Greener grass

I saw a piece of flair on Facebook that seemed to put words to a thought that's been swimming around my head a lot over the past week so:

The greener grass on the other side is probably artificial turf.

Have you had those moments when you find yourself longing for what someone else has? Have you had those moments when someone is raving about your spouse, your child, your parent, or your sibling and you are wondering if they know the same person you do?

I have. Growing up my sister and I were often asked how great it was to have our parents as parents. My sister came up with a great response, "Yeah, they don't have to discipline you!" To everyone else, my folks were the cool ones. My senior spring break my friends wanted my folks to chaperon - how was that spring break for me? To my sister and I, they were our parents; at times, we felt they were complete idiots and totally unfair. There are times people share wonderful things about Clay and I'm thinking, "Uh, you don't have to deal with _____." And the kids always seem to put on a great show for everyone else so people think I'm lying when I talk about our struggles. (Hang with me, this is not a bashing my family email...)

I've watched/heard others think the same thing. I've had people say they wish their hubbies were more like Clay in some area or would do "x" like _______. I've had wives share that their husbands have told them they wish she was more like _________.

The grass often seems greener on the other side, right?

I've been pondering this phenom a lot over the last week or so, and I've come to realize that it usually isn't. That marriage that may seem so great may have huge problems behind closed doors. That man that seems to be an amazing spiritual leader to everyone else may have an anger issue or rarely spend time in the Word each day. That woman who seems to have it all together may be falling apart on the inside battling insecurities and fears. We only see part of the picture; and often that picture is strategically displayed. I know I've hidden behind smiles and niceties to maintain the "I'm in control" image I like to display. (Disclaimer - these examples are not specific examples of people I know...I just wanted to clarify!)

As I've found my mind comparing myself, my marriage, my husband and my children to others this week, God has graciously reminded me that all those people and relationships are just as flawed as I feel we are. No one is perfect. No relationship is perfect. Just because I don't see imperfection doesn't mean it isn't there. And regardless, what works for others may not be what's best for me or my relationships. With God's help, I must figure out my own path to being what brings God the most glory.

Sometimes that "greener" grass has just been carefully spray painted.

Surprises!

We took the kids outside for some fun tonight. The boy immediately went to the water, but I hadn't even put the girl in her suit. Up to this point, she has not enjoyed anything but bath water. Of course tonight she decided she wanted to splash a bit. Her brother saw an opportunity - and took it. SURPRISE! She even gave him back his "weapon" when he threw it in the grass. What a nice girl! They were both soaked by the end, but had a ball.

The little man in my life

Feeling like the boy has been neglected a lot lately in the picture department, I decided to continue my photo shoot (see previous post). The boy was not as agreeable, but I did catch a few adorable faces. It's hard to believe he'll be three in a week and a day. He can be so challenging and then melt my heart all in the same second. He has such a compassionate heart, and I've seen it a lot this week. Any time he sees me crying, he asks if I am okay. He's even come to wipe my tears away, give me a hug, and pat me on the shoulder/back. I pray his compassion grows as he grows. I know God has big plans in store for this little man.


Here he proudly shows off his best friend - Lightning McQueen. Lightning is almost always in his hand these days. I just laughed when the boy told him to smile.

Love this face

It's been a hard day (see previous post for just one piece of the puzzle), and the girl was all off on her nap schedule. I was frustrated at first, but then our one-on-one time was just the medicine my heart needed. I laughed a lot as she tried to tell me something. If only I had the camera to capture that story that she told me over and over again. Then her dumbfounded face as I tried to guess what she was saying. Heaven help us when she has lots of words. She got fascinated with her brother's train hat, and a photo shoot was born. I just kept snapping hoping to get one or two good ones. She hammed it up well (again, we're in trouble in a few years). I had trouble selecting which ones to post so here are most of them. Enjoy! I tell ya, she's got the personality to match her myriad of faces!!!

The picture on the far right above is her saying, "please" as she wanted to see herself. And the one to the left is one I hope never repeats itself (especially in college)! She looks a little stoned...

Another goodbye

Another good-bye is looming in our home. It has become evident that it is time for our first "baby" to find a new one. A home where she doesn't feel threatened. One where we aren't anxious about her striking out against the boy again.

It has been one emotional week in our home. The tears are too numerous to count, and I'm sure there will be more. To avoid potentially rude comments or pleadings/advice from those I don't know that might read this blog, I'm leaving out the details. (Sadly, we've had just such things since trying to find a new home for her. My heart can't take any more.) Anyway, Jasmine is temporarily living with my folks as we search for a new home or rescue shelter that has an opening. It was so hard watching her ride away with my mom knowing it wasn't just for a playdate. We know this is what is best for her. This is what is best for our family.

Our sweet girl came to live with us in May 2000. She was our one year anniversary present to each other (well, she was free but the pet deposit was not). She was 4 months old and so scrawny. She melted my heart instantly. She is a fabulous dog - a true lover. It's been an amazing 8 years, and I can't believe it has to end this way. I've never had to choose to let go of a dog - it's so hard! I am praying for a single person who needs a companion or a newly empty-nester family or a family with older children who have huge hearts. Our girl deserves to have the last half of her life be as full of love and fun as the first. If you know of someone that would love a new best friend, please let me know. We know she could be just the blessing someone needs.

Facebook vent

Yeah, not as big of a fan of Facebook as I thought I might be. Sure, I've "reconnected" with lots of people, but I guess I've only truly connected with a few of them. It has been fun to see who has kids, who got married, what people are doing and where they ended up, but part of it has been heartbreaking too. I've learned about heartaches experienced and those who have turned away from the faith they once possessed. I've learned some people are living their dreams and some have fared much better than I anticipated they would from what I knew about them in high school. I must admit the flair and bumper stickers are quite funny, but I don't get the excitement of all the games or quizzes. But for the laughs I've had with flair or the few messages/chats I've had with people, I think I'm becoming a bit paranoid. I've become "friends" with people that I still haven't "talked" to. A few people I've sent messages to or what not haven't written back. If you don't want to talk to me, why did you make me your "friend"? And there have been several times I've started a chat with someone who promptly logs off. Makes me wonder. And there's one poor guy that I asked to be my friend because I thought he was someone else. Now I don't have the heart to tell him I really don't know him - and he probably accepted me because he didn't want to hurt my feelings in the first place. I've found myself "caring" about people's status - I mean, really? I've started to change mine a few times, but I figure I am not really that important that others would care that my kids are sleeping or that I am cleaning house or wasting time or whatever. I hated being talked about in junior high and high school (and college too), and in some ways this just feels like stepping back to that. I guess the difference is that now each participant is sharing only what he/she wants to share. But I wonder how much of it is true. I mean, while I may "know" the people listed as my friends, most of them truly know little about who I've become as an adult or the life I'm living right now - and I know little about them or theirs. I could put whatever I wanted to and most would believe it. I could leave out details I don't want others to know. I'm not quite as selective here, but I also don't lay it all out. So we could all be painting unrealistic pictures of our lives hiding behind the veil of technology. I would like to think most aren't, but I know Clay and I didn't admit how horrible our second year of marriage was while we were in it. We can talk about it now (and joke) because we made it through and came out stronger for it; but that wasn't what others saw/heard from us during that time. And that's not the only time in my life I've hidden behind walls. Technology makes it so easy, doesn't it?

Now I've gone and gotten on another soapbox. I just needed to vent my frustrations for getting so wrapped up in being in the know about other people. It's a downfall for me, and I should have known better. I won't delete my account because there are a couple of people I connected with there that I want to stay connected to, but I'm thinking I'll bow out of the insanity of daily logins. Now let's see if I can stick to my guns!

Oldie but goodie

We sang an old hymn this morning, and it struck a chord with me all over again. I LOVE praise music, but there are a lot of wonderful truths in the old hymns. I thought we could all be reminded of this one. I may not understand all of His ways or why I am blessed to be called one of His own, but I know Him, His character, and His love. That is enough - more than enough. Sing along if you know it...

"I Know Whom I Have Believed"

I know not why God’s wondrous grace
To me He hath made known,
Nor why, unworthy, Christ in love
Redeemed me for His own.

But I know Whom I have believèd,
And am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I’ve committed
Unto Him against that day.

I know not how this saving faith
To me He did impart,
Nor how believing in His Word
Wrought peace within my heart.

But I know Whom I have believèd,
And am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I’ve committed
Unto Him against that day.

I know not how the Spirit moves,
Convincing us of sin,
Revealing Jesus through the Word,
Creating faith in Him.

But I know Whom I have believèd,
And am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I’ve committed
Unto Him against that day.

I know not what of good or ill
May be reserved for me,
Of weary ways or golden days,
Before His face I see.

But I know Whom I have believèd,
And am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I’ve committed
Unto Him against that day.

I know not when my Lord may come,
At night or noonday fair,
Nor if I walk the vale with Him,
Or meet Him in the air.

But I know Whom I have believèd,
And am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I’ve committed
Unto Him against that day.

Still overflowin'

The same mentality I had yesterday flowed over to today. I read a good book until the wee hours of the morning (I was trying to get tired and it failed), and woke to the boy's sweet voice telling me it was time to get up. I'm usually the one freeing him from captivity so it was a nice change. My winner of a hubby continued his streak of little things for me by making the cinnamon rolls we were taking to church. Church was a blessing as always. I love how our worship minister brings us to the feet of God through a variety of music. We grabbed lunch on the way home and settled in for naps. The girl slept at church so she was fighting. The boy was exhausted but fought as well. My precious hubby sent me to our room to get a nap while he kept an eye on the kids. The boy fell asleep pretty quickly, but the girl played happily until I woke up a few hours later. (Can I say there is nothing like a Sunday afternoon nap? They were just understood in my house growing up and we continued the tradition once married. Sadly, with the addition of children they are more the rarity these days.) We got out later and ended up at Pop and Grannylou's house. We all laughed a lot.

During bath time tonight - which was really just play in the water and enjoy some shaving cream time - I was overwhelmed at the small moments. The four of us laughed as the kids played. I realized I wanted to share it with everyone. I want everyone to know what a wonderful family I have. I want everyone to know how adorable and funny my kids can be. I want everyone to see the fatherly love Clay has for these two little people in our care. I want hearts to burst with joy as people hear the deep laughter the boy had tonight as his daddy played "BOING" - I hadn't heard that deep of a laugh in a long time. I want everyone to giggle as the girl shares her personality. I want everyone to fall in love with these three other people like I have. I want to share my blessings; and yet I feel like my words and pictures and even video don't truly capture what I experience. I am amazed I can fall deeper in love with these three people each day. I do not understand why my God gives me the good gifts He does, but I am eternally thankful.

My real life

Yesterday and today haven't been anything overly special; but that's life, right? I'm a sucker for reality shows or hearing about vacations and such, but reality for me is a lot of the same old, same old. And while I'm a lover of romance and mountaintop experiences, I love my reality (most days). Sure, I'm greatly looking forward to our vacation in September (we haven't been on a real vacation in 5 years), but I'm having a blast this summer just doin' what comes.

I guess it really started Thursday. For the first time in longer than I'd like to admit, I began my day with God. What a difference it made (see that day's post). My sweet husband arrived home with beautiful pink roses for no reason except it had been too long. Then we had an unconventional date on our back porch, feet in the kids' pool, talking about Ephesians and praying together. Friday was a bit more challenging with the kids, but ended with us hanging out with friends at a pool. The girl finally stopped crying/screaming and just clung on for dear life. I think we saw 1-2 smiles from her the whole night. Our little water bug of a son spent most of the time jumping from the tanning shelf into the pool. He even went off the diving board for the first time (if you count stepping off as jumping off) TWICE! I was so proud. I love that he loves the water so much - we think he's going to love the beach. Fortunately the girl loves sandboxes so she'll have something to entertain her. This morning we went to multiple stores trying to figure out exactly what to get the boy for his upcoming birthday and ended up at Chick-Fil-A. We laughed a lot together about a bunch of nothing. We got a long afternoon together since the boy never slept and the girl didn't for long. I love those memories that simply involve beating the floor, rolling around together, and hiding under a sheet. At the last minute, some dear friends called us over for burgers. I love those friendships that don't require preparation. No one got gussied up and we simply enjoyed relaxed fellowship as the meat grilled, the kids (well 2 of the 4) swam, and the other two played. It was a fabulous meal and fabulous fellowship. Now the kids are down, we are winding down, and we get to look forward to worship tomorrow.

Again, nothing extraordinary, but that is our real life. And I love it!

Young vs. Old

You know you are young when simply running in a circle around your living room makes you giggle with pure delight.

You know you are old when running in that same circle 3 times makes you dizzy and requires you to sit before you puke.

Always the encourager the boy kept saying, "Keep running, Mommy, keep running."

Stuck indoors - and thankful

I woke up to one of my favorite sounds - rain. But with two toddlers, my first thought was, "Great. Indoors all day." We were supposed to go swimming with our playgroup. These days staying at home all day often provides exhausting challenges. The boy loves to jump on the sofa (one of our house rules) and aggravate his sister. The girl likes to follow me around and search through cabinets, drawers, or whatever (which means she empties all contents of said item). They really are being amazingly good kids today considering.

The house is in great need of attention so I decided today would be a great PJ/TV day. I know, I know, a day of TV? Let's just not get started on that...

Anyway, I've gotten more accomplished today than I have in WEEKS! As I just sat here folding laundry while my lunch cooked, I realized I am so thankful I have a house that needs attention. I am thankful for 3 additional people that look to me for basic needs. I am thankful for 3 additional people that know I am going to give them clean clothes, provide a meal (even if it isn't home cooked), and love. I'm thankful that laundry never seems to end and the house typically needs to be picked up (and that we seem to be busting at the seams of this house).

When I realized I was thinking this, I just had to stop and share. I wanted proof that I am thankful for these things especially for all the times I get frustrated or annoyed.

Today I am thankful - my cup overflows.

It would be 100 today

It's been our plan for several weeks to head to the zoo today with Grannylou, Kadyn and Dylan. June is member appreciation month so I got 2 free passes along with free train rides and more on Mondays. Of course, it would be one of the hottest days so far this year! At 7:00 p.m. as I passed a bank, the sign said it was still 98!!! MERCY! Anyway, we had a grand time together as well as with some friends who joined us. We enjoyed feeding the parrots (all 4 older kids had a bird on their seed stick at some point) and seeing all the animals. The penguins gave us a great show by swimming right up to the glass and appearing to play with the kids' hands. The kids enjoyed climbing up into an old stagecoach too. The highlight of the day - riding the train as always. While blistering hot, it was a good time. We love the zoo - and I get why it is highly acclaimed!

Farewell

She's gone. After a little over 3 years of wonderful service to our family, she is gone. When we got her in April 2005, our plan was to have her for a long time. We loved on her, took extra special care of her, and appreciated her for all the perks she possessed. She was good to us, never failing and keeping us safe every step of the way. She's been as far as Memphis, Birmingham, and New Orleans. She's dealt with stinky men after long days of hunting or hours of construction on mission trips. She's taken friends out for memorable meals and nights on the town. She's helped countless people move. She's just been good to us. Little did we know how quickly our family dynamic would change. It wasn't our plan, but it became evident that it was time for a change. She was no longer reaching her full potential. Today we bid farewell. She's with a good man now - a young Christian college student who will spend 5 weeks this summer serving in Thailand. It helps my heart to know she will most likely be used to help this man minister to others. She will always hold a special place in our hearts. She brought both our kids home from the hospital. We love her. We love all her features. While we may never see her again, we just might buy another in her family when the time is right. She's just that impressive to us.

Sadly (and yet with a sigh of relief for the convenience of power doors and many other features), she was replaced by a minivan. Yes, we are those people who said we would never, and yet we did.

Father's Day

God, thank you for this man. Today I focus on the father he is to our children, and I am thankful for his heart for them. He provides, he is tender, he disciplines, he plays, he laughs, he teaches, he loves. I love the way they look at him and light up when he comes home. I love watching them play together and snuggle. I love seeing and hearing him in their actions and words. They are blessed. I am blessed. And I hope today he felt blessed by us.

(This picture was taken back in February.)

We spent lunch and the afternoon with Pop, Grannylou, Uncle Eric, Kadyn, and Dylan. Aunt Kristi had to head south to a conference, but we all survived in spite of her absence. There was a moment when I realized how far God has brought Eric and our family in the last year. For us to fellowship so easily together without Kristi simply took my breath away. GOD IS BIG!

I failed to take any pictures of our kids with Clay or Pop with all his grandkids. Oh well, but I did catch the girl giving Pop some love.


I couldn't pass up catching the boys at the beginning of "rest time." We knew it would be hard for them to nap so we simply put 'Cars' on in the playroom and had them lay on a pallet. It didn't take long before Grannylou and I were on the floor beside them helping them rest. I'm sure that was a sight! I think everyone slept for about 30 minutes, but it wasn't long enough in my book. Aren't they too cute? If only I had captured them jumping and rolling around. They are a sight.

It was a good day. I feel so blessed to live in the same town with my dad, to have him so involved in my kids lives, and to be able to call him friend. I feel blessed that my dad and husband enjoy each other, get along, and truly respect each other. I know their relationship is rare...and it amazes me often. Thank you, God, for the gifts you give. I am humbled by Your love for me.

My girl

I found some pictures of the girl in an adorable dress (thanks to Mimi) from last Sunday. I totally forgot they were on the camera so it was a nice surprise today. She wasn't too sure about being photographed that morning as is evident on her face. We dread the day words accompany the looks we got that morning.


Then she realized there was something on her head - and tried relentlessly to get it off. It didn't even make it to church.







The girl's first regular ponytail. I put my hair up today (wait, that's most days in this heat!) and the girl kept messing with my clip. I finally figured out she wanted her hair up too. It was the first time I've seen myself in her physically. It was like watching old pictures of me come to life. My dad just laughs whenever she throws a fit or cries because she doesn't get her way and says, "That was you!" If that's true, we are in big trouble in about 9 years. I'm not sure I will have as much grace and compassion as my folks had with me in my tween years!


She was fascinated with the camera today so I kept snapping and caught her eyes and adorable grin up close. She melts my heart.