Silence is no longer my enemy

I wrote this yesterday, but it wouldn't post... but all seems to be working today. May I note that my son slept until 9:20ish? It was a fabulous morning! On to my "deep" thoughts...

I sit here in the silence of my living room…I have come to love the silence. I used to be almost afraid of it, but now I find myself craving it – even the whir of the new DVR receiver in our bedroom can drive me crazy! I digress…I sit here in the silence listening to the whir of the computer, the wind whistling through our many trees (anyone want to come and take a few off our hands?), and the precious talking of my son who is rousing from his morning nap. What a precious sound…wish I were a fly on the wall watching him talk to the boy in the mirror or his feet or bunny (his special friend he only sees when it is time to sleep). Wish I were a fly in that brain to know what he is thinking and discovering and learning and feeling. Wish I didn’t have a list of things to do today so we could simply sit and play.

This has been a busy week for us – all good things – but busier than normal and I realize how much I miss what can seem like endless hours of playing on the floor. As I was getting ready this morning, mourning the busyness of this week, I realized that I want to teach Jonathan to enjoy the slower pace of life and to enjoy the times of quiet early in life. I am just now learning these lessons myself. I have been a doer and goer most of my life. I loved activity and people and fed off these things. I would need a night to myself at home about once every couple of weeks, but one night was enough. Too much quiet time to myself and I would go insane.

I struggled when I first started staying home – it was too quiet, too calm, and my mind started to wander. Now, only a mere 9 months later, I find myself longing for more quiet. I can’t handle too many nights out in a row. I find myself turning off the music in the car and the television often gets turned off after I see the morning news. (I know, a shocker to those who only a couple months ago heard me often quoting the hosts on The View or Dr. Phil or Oprah!) Sure, I may check in with Martha every once in a while or catch Jeopardy (I’ve got to stimulate those brain cells), but I have found myself less drawn to the television even over the last month or so. There is even a contrast to me when Clay arrives home. There is another person, more noise, and more activity.

Funny how I’ve changed, but I think it is a good thing. The quiet allows me more time for reflection, more time for conversation with God, more time to ponder my devotion, more time to notice His creation (the noise often drowns out the doves that perch on our roof and talk), and more time to feel the peace He has given. The quiet helps put things in perspective…certain things just aren’t as important or crucial…there is less drama…there is less anxiety…there is less worry. Funny, I used to allow the quiet to embellish life. Now, the quiet grounds me. No wonder Christ always withdrew to a quiet place…alone. That is where I am most filled. That is where I am real with God and myself. That is where I can see Him.

I hope you enjoy a moment of quiet yourself.

A Must, Not a Maybe

I wanted to share my devotion with you this morning because it really struck a chord with me (from the Women’s Devotional Bible, pg. 1071).

Mark 1:29-34
“As soon as they left the synagogue, they went with James and John to the home of Simon and Andrew. Simon’s mother-in-law was in bed with a fever, and they told Jesus about her. So he went to her, took her hand and helped her up. The fever left her and she began to wait on them. That evening after sunset the people brought to Jesus all the sick and demon-possessed. The whole town gathered at the door, and Jesus healed many who had various diseases. He also drove out many demons, but he would not let the demons speak because they knew who he was.”

Jill Briscoe writes,

“When you have a heart for God you have a heart for ministry. The two go hand in hand. When Jesus captured a life, healed a sick body or soul or mind, the recipient of those blessings invariably began to minister. Only on two occasions did Jesus have to tell them to do so. When Jairus’s daughter was brought back from the dead, Jesus told her parents to ‘give her something to eat’ (Mark 5:43), and when the Lord appeared first to Mary Magdalene after his resurrection, he told her to go tell the disciples that she had seen the Lord (John 20:17-18).

When you meet the Master, ministry naturally follows. Jesus forgave a sinful woman ‘her many sins,’ and she began to love him much (Luke 7:47). Having been forgiven much you begin to love much, and ministry is the natural outcome.

Martha and Mary, greatly loved by Jesus, loved him back by serving him, each in her own way. The mother of the disciple James, along with others served the Lord by preparing his body for burial (Luke 24:10), while Joanna supported Jesus out of her own means (Luke 8:3). Even the woman at the well, having met Jesus, began at once to share her discovery with the people in her town (John 4:28-29).

You do not need to twist arms once you have had a personal encounter with the Christ of Galilee. Ministry is not then a maybe – it’s a must.”

How many times do I find an excuse not to participate in ministry? How many times am I talked in to helping instead of simply volunteering? Shouldn’t I desire to give everything back to God because of the grace and mercy and love and sacrifice He has given me? Wow – my selfishness revealed. And it isn’t just ministry at the church that I shrink back from… I know that I have failed to be the wife I need to be because I am tired or want some “me” time or something else. I let something else entertain my son so I can take a few moments for me to email or check a blog. I don’t make that phone call to the friend who’s struggling because I think I don’t have the time or the words. I fail to reach out to the friend who’s on bed rest and going a bit stir crazy. And the list goes on… Shouldn’t I desire to give until my body wears out? What evidence of how the world has infiltrated the body of Christ. We are prone to think about ourselves and our needs and wants and schedules before those around us. What does that say about our hearts? I think it says we are not filled with God, but with ourselves. If we were to get real, we would have to admit that our hearts are more for our well-being than for loving and praising our Father and Savior. I know I am guilty.

Father, change my heart. I am a selfish creature in my flesh, but I am a new creation in You. Refine my heart and attitude to desire to serve You every moment of every day. Show me how You want me to serve and minister. Change the heart of the church so Your name may be glorified when others wonder why we are so different. May our hearts be so filled with You that ministry becomes a must.

I'm so proud...

Of my mother! Today, my mother passed the Texas Real Estate Licensing test. She is now an inactive licensee, and is just waiting on the paperwork to be an official realtor. I AM SO PROUD! At the young age of 57, she went back to school (3 weeks of 8 am – 5 pm followed by two home-study courses) and learned more than she ever thought she could about real estate, contracts, etc. I am not sure you all get it… real estate involves math… and math is not my mother’s strongest ability. Yet, she passed the national test on the first try and missed the state portion by only one point… and she passed it on her next try. I AM SO PROUD!!! They say the Texas state portion is one of the hardest in the nation… have I mentioned how proud I am of her? We are not exactly sure what God has in store for Mother in this area; but He led, and she followed. She is a great example of being willing to follow even when it doesn’t make the most sense. I mean, not many people would start a whole new career path in their late 50s, but she has never been one to shy away from where God is calling.

So, kudos to you, Mom. Once again…you inspire and challenge me!

Shaping a man

How can you not love this face? I just can’t get enough of him some days. This year is passing too quickly… and he is already starting to show signs of independence. My heart isn’t ready, but I know I must let go. Small steps here and there… I have dreams and aspirations for him, but I know that my dreams pale in comparison to what God has prepared for him to do. I am amazed God chose us to raise this special child. I am apprehensive about the role I have in this little man’s life… to help shape and mold him into a man of God, a kind and considerate male, and one who respects authority… along with so many other things. I simply pray that I make the most of every opportunity God gives me. I want to fill this little mind with the things of God, to teach him about God’s love and mercy, and to help him fall in love with the Father I love. How can I do that when I struggle so much to be who God wants me to be? I know I cannot accomplish this on my own, but simply trust God to call upon Jonathan’s heart. “I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.” I Samuel 1:27-28

Do you think I look like my dad?

We took these pictures Sunday morning before church... it was finally cold enough for both of my boys to wear their cords. There is no denying Jonathan is his father's child! I know I am biased, but aren't these two great looking guys?

Oh, so happy...

We have been so blessed with a happy boy. His standard disposition is one of contentment and joy. He laughs a lot - at the dog, at his parents, and sometimes at nothing. This has been so much fun for us... but can make the moments of unhappiness a bit unnerving for his parentals - especially when they last more than 5 minutes. I thought you might enjoy these few pictures that seem to really capture the happy boy he is. He is quite the ham... if he sees a camera, he will smile big. Problem arises that he thinks the flash is funny so the best faces often happen after the picture was taken! I'm still working on making the pictures clearer... so bear with me!

Happy Birthday Dad!

Tonight we had the honor of hosting my father’s birthday party at our house (it was earlier this week, but my folks were out of town). First, I am sure if someone asked my dad when I was 11-14 if I would be able to have my house in order to have a party he would have simply laughed. But I found joy in preparing my home and a meal for my family and having my home filled with the laughter and noise. Our family gatherings have changed a bit now that we have 3 children… and they will only get more fun as the boys begin to walk and talk. Anyway, I digress from my point. Tonight we celebrated my father… who isn’t much for fanfare or celebration especially when he is the focus. So, I wanted to take a moment to honor him here where he can’t stop me…

The memories I have of my dad as a little girl are mostly of his presence. He traveled a lot when I was young, but I remember him being there. Sometimes it was a commanding presence and sometimes soft and gentle… but his presence is there as I reflect on my childhood. He speaks love through his acts of service… he was always working in the yard, cleaning cars, or doing church work. I rarely saw him simply sit and be. He kindly allowed me to simply shut my door so he could ignore my messy room. For a few years, he would watch cheesy family movies on Friday nights with me, Mom and Kristi so we could have family time with pizza and chocolate fondue. Saturday mornings he made biscuits and white gravy. He came to wrestling matches to watch me cheer… and I still don’t know if he enjoyed the sport or not, but he learned about it because I cared. He came to watch track meets where I was simply the manager. My senior year of high school we watched ER together every Thursday night. He started keeping up with Mississippi State sports once I decided that’s where I would go to school... even though they were rivals of his beloved Alabama. He did his best to like the boys I brought home… and he has taken Clay in as his own son. He protects the women in his life like a father bear. He may not always show it or say it, but he feels deeply. He let me go when it was time although I know he wasn’t ready. We didn’t always see eye to eye and there were days he was not my favorite person, but I can see now that he simply wanted what was best for me. He longed to shape me in to a capable, independent woman. He wanted to preserve my innocence, but help me navigate the world. He let me make mistakes, but was always there to catch me if I fell. While the relationship has changed over the years, I know he is still there and will fight for my family with all he has. He is not a perfect man, and as I have gotten older, I’ve seen that him make mistakes… but he tries his best and I hope he knows I am here if he falls. He has given me many things… parts of his personality, some of his stubbornness, and more. But he gave me one of the best gifts the day my son was born. As he left the room before I began pushing, he stopped, put his hand on my leg, looked me straight in the eyes and told me how proud he was of me. I’ve lived most of my life wanting to please him, and while I knew he was proud at various points in my life… that day and moment are etched in my mind and heart. A little girl always longs to know her daddy is proud of her. Daddy, thank you for that gift and simply the gift of you. Thank you for becoming my friend, and thank you for your unconditional love. I love you. Happy Birthday!

Why those links?

Added Saturday...Bible Verse Missions - the website of a dear friend who has worked with youth and children in Dundee, Scotland for over 15 years. While his heart desires to be there permanently, the Lord has not allowed him to move yet. This website tells you about the ongoing work in Dundee and how you can help.

You may wonder why I chose the links I did... so I thought I would give a little insight...

***Mississippi State - this is our Alma Mater of which we are very proud. I thought you might want to check out this great place!

***San Francisco Giants - my sister-in-law is currently dating a pitcher for the Giants (Matt Cain) and I like to go and keep up with how he is doing and such so I can have some idea of what is going on in her life!

***Jason Elam - this is a college friend of ours who serves God through praise & worship. Elam has an amazing gift of drawing you in to worship through his songs. His website allows you to listen to his latest CD and keep up with where he will be.

***The rest are all blogs of friends that I find funny and insightful so I just thought I would share! Soon enough, when our church's new website is up, I will add it to the list so you can see what is happening there.

And I've now changed the setting so anyone can comment instead of just members!

The boy

Isn't this the cutest little boy you have ever seen? I know I am biased... especially since he looks so much like his father.

Born July 5, 2005... he is just over 8 months old. He is our little miracle - we waited almost 3 years to see those two pink lines. Doctors told us we had less than a 5% chance of getting pregnant with no assistance...and Jonathan is proof is that God takes medical percentages and does what is best for His glory. And this time it was to do what they said was almost impossible.

Named Jonathan because it means "gift of God" and he is definitely our gift. His middle name, Isaac, was chosen because of the story of Abraham and Sarah in Genesis. Isaac means laugther and joy. When Isacc was born, Sarah said that he had brought much joy and that everyone who heard about his birth would laugh with her and Abraham (they were well beyond child-bearing years). Well, laughter and joy seemed to be the constant reaction from family and friends when we shared the news we were pregnant. And since birth, our gift from God has brought us much laughter and joy.

At 6 months, he weighed 17 lbs. 2 oz. and measured 28 inches long. He loves to sit up and play. He still shows no interest in becoming mobile, but that is fine by us... we can still leave him in one room while we go in to another. He enjoys eating... and thus far, he hasn't refused anything except chunks of food! He got his first tooth last Friday and he just learned to smack his lips together. He is so proud of himself when he gets the peek-a-block into the box and he loves the little chicken that hops around (an early Easter present from Granny Lou). He would watch videos all day long if I let him. He loves bathtime... and squeals with delight when the water comes out of the faucet... which means he doesn't like getting out and getting dressed, but fortunately, a little song or two distracts him. He is just too loveable... fortunately for me he still loves to be squeezed and kissed... so I'll take it while I can because I know before too long I will be lucky to get a passing hug.

He loves to swing - especially at the park. He generally enjoys being outside... but he doesn't like the sun in his eyes... so, Granny Lou bought him these cute sunglasses to help his light eyes handle the bright Texas sun. I learned a valuable lesson the first time we took a walk after getting the sunglasses... while the velcro strap is great to keep them on, you must make sure you don't get them too tight... after removing the sunglasses he had little lines on his face... it was quite funny! Jasmine enjoys the walks as well...so it is fun for all.

Jonathan is a happy boy...and he loves having his picture taken. He knows he is supposed to smile and look in the direction of the camera... regardless what he is doing, if he catches a camera on him he will stop, look and smile. It is quite funny!

My mom did finally catch one with him crying... and it is just too cute... it is hard not to melt when he crinkles that face and those big crocodile tears come rolling down.

I hope these have brought you smiles...

Let me catch you up

Well, here it is...the easy way out of keeping in touch with people...or really allowing others to keep up with us. So for those who have been out of the " loop", let me catch you up a bit in "short" form:

Married almost 7 years to my best friend, my playmate, and my balancer. For all the drama I can be, he isn't. He helps me slow down and chill out...maybe that's why my mother worked so hard to make sure he was a part of my life permanently!

Children - 8 months, a little boy who is laid back like his father, but also extremely social. He loves to flirt and can be quite stubborn (already). He loves motion and singing and the dog...with whom he has long "conversations" with almost daily. Nothing compares to that smile and laugh...and even his cries!

Pets - dog, a miniature schnauzer/cocker spaniel mix, 6 years

Other things to note: We have lived in 3 different cities/towns in these 7 years. And we've lived in two places that are known lovingly as "Cowtown"! The hubby loves his job designing test equipment for F-16s, and I love being at home (after having 4 VERY different jobs following graduation). We have a great church that is growing and challenging us in many ways. We love our life here...this is home...and that is a great feeling.

I thought I would finally join the blogging nations as a way to share life with those of you far away and possibly preserve some of my thoughts and the events of our life. I hope this also provides an outlet for my ramblings and "deep" thoughts so the hubby isn't bombarded after arriving home from work...and maybe it will provide a laugh or a smile for someone on a rough day.

So, these thoughts and things may not seem important to you, but I just thought I would share...