Love this face

It's been a hard day (see previous post for just one piece of the puzzle), and the girl was all off on her nap schedule. I was frustrated at first, but then our one-on-one time was just the medicine my heart needed. I laughed a lot as she tried to tell me something. If only I had the camera to capture that story that she told me over and over again. Then her dumbfounded face as I tried to guess what she was saying. Heaven help us when she has lots of words. She got fascinated with her brother's train hat, and a photo shoot was born. I just kept snapping hoping to get one or two good ones. She hammed it up well (again, we're in trouble in a few years). I had trouble selecting which ones to post so here are most of them. Enjoy! I tell ya, she's got the personality to match her myriad of faces!!!

The picture on the far right above is her saying, "please" as she wanted to see herself. And the one to the left is one I hope never repeats itself (especially in college)! She looks a little stoned...

Another goodbye

Another good-bye is looming in our home. It has become evident that it is time for our first "baby" to find a new one. A home where she doesn't feel threatened. One where we aren't anxious about her striking out against the boy again.

It has been one emotional week in our home. The tears are too numerous to count, and I'm sure there will be more. To avoid potentially rude comments or pleadings/advice from those I don't know that might read this blog, I'm leaving out the details. (Sadly, we've had just such things since trying to find a new home for her. My heart can't take any more.) Anyway, Jasmine is temporarily living with my folks as we search for a new home or rescue shelter that has an opening. It was so hard watching her ride away with my mom knowing it wasn't just for a playdate. We know this is what is best for her. This is what is best for our family.

Our sweet girl came to live with us in May 2000. She was our one year anniversary present to each other (well, she was free but the pet deposit was not). She was 4 months old and so scrawny. She melted my heart instantly. She is a fabulous dog - a true lover. It's been an amazing 8 years, and I can't believe it has to end this way. I've never had to choose to let go of a dog - it's so hard! I am praying for a single person who needs a companion or a newly empty-nester family or a family with older children who have huge hearts. Our girl deserves to have the last half of her life be as full of love and fun as the first. If you know of someone that would love a new best friend, please let me know. We know she could be just the blessing someone needs.

Facebook vent

Yeah, not as big of a fan of Facebook as I thought I might be. Sure, I've "reconnected" with lots of people, but I guess I've only truly connected with a few of them. It has been fun to see who has kids, who got married, what people are doing and where they ended up, but part of it has been heartbreaking too. I've learned about heartaches experienced and those who have turned away from the faith they once possessed. I've learned some people are living their dreams and some have fared much better than I anticipated they would from what I knew about them in high school. I must admit the flair and bumper stickers are quite funny, but I don't get the excitement of all the games or quizzes. But for the laughs I've had with flair or the few messages/chats I've had with people, I think I'm becoming a bit paranoid. I've become "friends" with people that I still haven't "talked" to. A few people I've sent messages to or what not haven't written back. If you don't want to talk to me, why did you make me your "friend"? And there have been several times I've started a chat with someone who promptly logs off. Makes me wonder. And there's one poor guy that I asked to be my friend because I thought he was someone else. Now I don't have the heart to tell him I really don't know him - and he probably accepted me because he didn't want to hurt my feelings in the first place. I've found myself "caring" about people's status - I mean, really? I've started to change mine a few times, but I figure I am not really that important that others would care that my kids are sleeping or that I am cleaning house or wasting time or whatever. I hated being talked about in junior high and high school (and college too), and in some ways this just feels like stepping back to that. I guess the difference is that now each participant is sharing only what he/she wants to share. But I wonder how much of it is true. I mean, while I may "know" the people listed as my friends, most of them truly know little about who I've become as an adult or the life I'm living right now - and I know little about them or theirs. I could put whatever I wanted to and most would believe it. I could leave out details I don't want others to know. I'm not quite as selective here, but I also don't lay it all out. So we could all be painting unrealistic pictures of our lives hiding behind the veil of technology. I would like to think most aren't, but I know Clay and I didn't admit how horrible our second year of marriage was while we were in it. We can talk about it now (and joke) because we made it through and came out stronger for it; but that wasn't what others saw/heard from us during that time. And that's not the only time in my life I've hidden behind walls. Technology makes it so easy, doesn't it?

Now I've gone and gotten on another soapbox. I just needed to vent my frustrations for getting so wrapped up in being in the know about other people. It's a downfall for me, and I should have known better. I won't delete my account because there are a couple of people I connected with there that I want to stay connected to, but I'm thinking I'll bow out of the insanity of daily logins. Now let's see if I can stick to my guns!

Oldie but goodie

We sang an old hymn this morning, and it struck a chord with me all over again. I LOVE praise music, but there are a lot of wonderful truths in the old hymns. I thought we could all be reminded of this one. I may not understand all of His ways or why I am blessed to be called one of His own, but I know Him, His character, and His love. That is enough - more than enough. Sing along if you know it...

"I Know Whom I Have Believed"

I know not why God’s wondrous grace
To me He hath made known,
Nor why, unworthy, Christ in love
Redeemed me for His own.

But I know Whom I have believèd,
And am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I’ve committed
Unto Him against that day.

I know not how this saving faith
To me He did impart,
Nor how believing in His Word
Wrought peace within my heart.

But I know Whom I have believèd,
And am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I’ve committed
Unto Him against that day.

I know not how the Spirit moves,
Convincing us of sin,
Revealing Jesus through the Word,
Creating faith in Him.

But I know Whom I have believèd,
And am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I’ve committed
Unto Him against that day.

I know not what of good or ill
May be reserved for me,
Of weary ways or golden days,
Before His face I see.

But I know Whom I have believèd,
And am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I’ve committed
Unto Him against that day.

I know not when my Lord may come,
At night or noonday fair,
Nor if I walk the vale with Him,
Or meet Him in the air.

But I know Whom I have believèd,
And am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I’ve committed
Unto Him against that day.

Still overflowin'

The same mentality I had yesterday flowed over to today. I read a good book until the wee hours of the morning (I was trying to get tired and it failed), and woke to the boy's sweet voice telling me it was time to get up. I'm usually the one freeing him from captivity so it was a nice change. My winner of a hubby continued his streak of little things for me by making the cinnamon rolls we were taking to church. Church was a blessing as always. I love how our worship minister brings us to the feet of God through a variety of music. We grabbed lunch on the way home and settled in for naps. The girl slept at church so she was fighting. The boy was exhausted but fought as well. My precious hubby sent me to our room to get a nap while he kept an eye on the kids. The boy fell asleep pretty quickly, but the girl played happily until I woke up a few hours later. (Can I say there is nothing like a Sunday afternoon nap? They were just understood in my house growing up and we continued the tradition once married. Sadly, with the addition of children they are more the rarity these days.) We got out later and ended up at Pop and Grannylou's house. We all laughed a lot.

During bath time tonight - which was really just play in the water and enjoy some shaving cream time - I was overwhelmed at the small moments. The four of us laughed as the kids played. I realized I wanted to share it with everyone. I want everyone to know what a wonderful family I have. I want everyone to know how adorable and funny my kids can be. I want everyone to see the fatherly love Clay has for these two little people in our care. I want hearts to burst with joy as people hear the deep laughter the boy had tonight as his daddy played "BOING" - I hadn't heard that deep of a laugh in a long time. I want everyone to giggle as the girl shares her personality. I want everyone to fall in love with these three other people like I have. I want to share my blessings; and yet I feel like my words and pictures and even video don't truly capture what I experience. I am amazed I can fall deeper in love with these three people each day. I do not understand why my God gives me the good gifts He does, but I am eternally thankful.

My real life

Yesterday and today haven't been anything overly special; but that's life, right? I'm a sucker for reality shows or hearing about vacations and such, but reality for me is a lot of the same old, same old. And while I'm a lover of romance and mountaintop experiences, I love my reality (most days). Sure, I'm greatly looking forward to our vacation in September (we haven't been on a real vacation in 5 years), but I'm having a blast this summer just doin' what comes.

I guess it really started Thursday. For the first time in longer than I'd like to admit, I began my day with God. What a difference it made (see that day's post). My sweet husband arrived home with beautiful pink roses for no reason except it had been too long. Then we had an unconventional date on our back porch, feet in the kids' pool, talking about Ephesians and praying together. Friday was a bit more challenging with the kids, but ended with us hanging out with friends at a pool. The girl finally stopped crying/screaming and just clung on for dear life. I think we saw 1-2 smiles from her the whole night. Our little water bug of a son spent most of the time jumping from the tanning shelf into the pool. He even went off the diving board for the first time (if you count stepping off as jumping off) TWICE! I was so proud. I love that he loves the water so much - we think he's going to love the beach. Fortunately the girl loves sandboxes so she'll have something to entertain her. This morning we went to multiple stores trying to figure out exactly what to get the boy for his upcoming birthday and ended up at Chick-Fil-A. We laughed a lot together about a bunch of nothing. We got a long afternoon together since the boy never slept and the girl didn't for long. I love those memories that simply involve beating the floor, rolling around together, and hiding under a sheet. At the last minute, some dear friends called us over for burgers. I love those friendships that don't require preparation. No one got gussied up and we simply enjoyed relaxed fellowship as the meat grilled, the kids (well 2 of the 4) swam, and the other two played. It was a fabulous meal and fabulous fellowship. Now the kids are down, we are winding down, and we get to look forward to worship tomorrow.

Again, nothing extraordinary, but that is our real life. And I love it!

Young vs. Old

You know you are young when simply running in a circle around your living room makes you giggle with pure delight.

You know you are old when running in that same circle 3 times makes you dizzy and requires you to sit before you puke.

Always the encourager the boy kept saying, "Keep running, Mommy, keep running."

Stuck indoors - and thankful

I woke up to one of my favorite sounds - rain. But with two toddlers, my first thought was, "Great. Indoors all day." We were supposed to go swimming with our playgroup. These days staying at home all day often provides exhausting challenges. The boy loves to jump on the sofa (one of our house rules) and aggravate his sister. The girl likes to follow me around and search through cabinets, drawers, or whatever (which means she empties all contents of said item). They really are being amazingly good kids today considering.

The house is in great need of attention so I decided today would be a great PJ/TV day. I know, I know, a day of TV? Let's just not get started on that...

Anyway, I've gotten more accomplished today than I have in WEEKS! As I just sat here folding laundry while my lunch cooked, I realized I am so thankful I have a house that needs attention. I am thankful for 3 additional people that look to me for basic needs. I am thankful for 3 additional people that know I am going to give them clean clothes, provide a meal (even if it isn't home cooked), and love. I'm thankful that laundry never seems to end and the house typically needs to be picked up (and that we seem to be busting at the seams of this house).

When I realized I was thinking this, I just had to stop and share. I wanted proof that I am thankful for these things especially for all the times I get frustrated or annoyed.

Today I am thankful - my cup overflows.

It would be 100 today

It's been our plan for several weeks to head to the zoo today with Grannylou, Kadyn and Dylan. June is member appreciation month so I got 2 free passes along with free train rides and more on Mondays. Of course, it would be one of the hottest days so far this year! At 7:00 p.m. as I passed a bank, the sign said it was still 98!!! MERCY! Anyway, we had a grand time together as well as with some friends who joined us. We enjoyed feeding the parrots (all 4 older kids had a bird on their seed stick at some point) and seeing all the animals. The penguins gave us a great show by swimming right up to the glass and appearing to play with the kids' hands. The kids enjoyed climbing up into an old stagecoach too. The highlight of the day - riding the train as always. While blistering hot, it was a good time. We love the zoo - and I get why it is highly acclaimed!

Farewell

She's gone. After a little over 3 years of wonderful service to our family, she is gone. When we got her in April 2005, our plan was to have her for a long time. We loved on her, took extra special care of her, and appreciated her for all the perks she possessed. She was good to us, never failing and keeping us safe every step of the way. She's been as far as Memphis, Birmingham, and New Orleans. She's dealt with stinky men after long days of hunting or hours of construction on mission trips. She's taken friends out for memorable meals and nights on the town. She's helped countless people move. She's just been good to us. Little did we know how quickly our family dynamic would change. It wasn't our plan, but it became evident that it was time for a change. She was no longer reaching her full potential. Today we bid farewell. She's with a good man now - a young Christian college student who will spend 5 weeks this summer serving in Thailand. It helps my heart to know she will most likely be used to help this man minister to others. She will always hold a special place in our hearts. She brought both our kids home from the hospital. We love her. We love all her features. While we may never see her again, we just might buy another in her family when the time is right. She's just that impressive to us.

Sadly (and yet with a sigh of relief for the convenience of power doors and many other features), she was replaced by a minivan. Yes, we are those people who said we would never, and yet we did.

Father's Day

God, thank you for this man. Today I focus on the father he is to our children, and I am thankful for his heart for them. He provides, he is tender, he disciplines, he plays, he laughs, he teaches, he loves. I love the way they look at him and light up when he comes home. I love watching them play together and snuggle. I love seeing and hearing him in their actions and words. They are blessed. I am blessed. And I hope today he felt blessed by us.

(This picture was taken back in February.)

We spent lunch and the afternoon with Pop, Grannylou, Uncle Eric, Kadyn, and Dylan. Aunt Kristi had to head south to a conference, but we all survived in spite of her absence. There was a moment when I realized how far God has brought Eric and our family in the last year. For us to fellowship so easily together without Kristi simply took my breath away. GOD IS BIG!

I failed to take any pictures of our kids with Clay or Pop with all his grandkids. Oh well, but I did catch the girl giving Pop some love.


I couldn't pass up catching the boys at the beginning of "rest time." We knew it would be hard for them to nap so we simply put 'Cars' on in the playroom and had them lay on a pallet. It didn't take long before Grannylou and I were on the floor beside them helping them rest. I'm sure that was a sight! I think everyone slept for about 30 minutes, but it wasn't long enough in my book. Aren't they too cute? If only I had captured them jumping and rolling around. They are a sight.

It was a good day. I feel so blessed to live in the same town with my dad, to have him so involved in my kids lives, and to be able to call him friend. I feel blessed that my dad and husband enjoy each other, get along, and truly respect each other. I know their relationship is rare...and it amazes me often. Thank you, God, for the gifts you give. I am humbled by Your love for me.

My girl

I found some pictures of the girl in an adorable dress (thanks to Mimi) from last Sunday. I totally forgot they were on the camera so it was a nice surprise today. She wasn't too sure about being photographed that morning as is evident on her face. We dread the day words accompany the looks we got that morning.


Then she realized there was something on her head - and tried relentlessly to get it off. It didn't even make it to church.







The girl's first regular ponytail. I put my hair up today (wait, that's most days in this heat!) and the girl kept messing with my clip. I finally figured out she wanted her hair up too. It was the first time I've seen myself in her physically. It was like watching old pictures of me come to life. My dad just laughs whenever she throws a fit or cries because she doesn't get her way and says, "That was you!" If that's true, we are in big trouble in about 9 years. I'm not sure I will have as much grace and compassion as my folks had with me in my tween years!


She was fascinated with the camera today so I kept snapping and caught her eyes and adorable grin up close. She melts my heart.

Blasted Facebook

I was so strong. Now I am not.

Last time I joined simply to see what the fuss was about...and I quickly realized how much time I wasted seeing who I could "reconnect" with. So I quit.

Then Jodi sent an invite. Seems she and her hubby had gotten hooked. I resisted the urge for weeks, but Clay joined. He kept talking about who he found. We found connections we didn't know existed (the world is small, people, small). I still resisted, but then gave in today after annoying Clay to death by "mooching" off his page. He even threatened to start a group called "Get Kaci to join Facebook."

Now I remember why I quit in the first place. Sure, it's nice to see where people are, but you can waste HOURS searching and seeing who's friends with whom, who's posted what, skimming through flair, and that doesn't even touch the various quizzes and games and such. I should have known better. I should have remained strong, but I gave in to the peer pressure. I gave in to my need to know what's going on. I gave in to my curiosity. Heaven help me. I'm 31 and can't control myself!

I was having enough trouble having a blog. I've even toyed with taking a blogging vacation to take care of some things I've let slip and simply cross some things off my "want to do" list. So what do I do instead? Get hooked on something else. Ridiculous. I could kick myself. It's not like life is boring or uneventful with two toddlers running around. Of course I have endless hours I need to fill with something.

Blasted Facebook.

New delicacy?

As we dined with the Boerger gals today, the boy created a new "delicacy" - pineapple dipped in ketchup.

Yeah, sounds absolutely disgusting to me too...

Busy 2 days

Feels like we are on the go a lot these days. A lot of that is my choice as getting out and about seems to make for a better day all around. I am thankful for friends who like to play and a hubby/father who is willing to as well.

I'll spare you the details of Friday since they aren't anything exciting - just normal errands. Last night Clay and I enjoyed a date to escape reality for a bit. It was nice to get out, enjoy great steaks, and laugh through a hilarious movie - all without kids (thanks, Mom)! If you get a chance to enjoy "What Happens in Vegas" with Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz, DO!!! We laughed so much and left with that warm, fuzzy feeling a good romantic comedy provides. The night was a perfect change of pace from the past week.

This morning Clay helped our pastor move into his new house while the kids and I enjoyed a local jump house with friends. The boy surprised me by being out of his shoes and into one of the bounce houses before I could even pay! He jumped and jumped and jumped. It normally takes some time for him to warm up and then he'll get distracted by juice and a snack. Today he was the one giving me his juice so he could jump some more. The girl didn't enjoy it again as usual, but she did at least sit with me in one of the bounce houses for about 10 minutes. Then we headed to take the pastor's daughter to her new home where the kids got to play in her new backyard and house for a bit. I hoped the kids would sleep for a while, but alas they did not.

Clay and I finally decided to bust out the new swimming pool we bought for the backyard several weeks ago. The boy loved it as expected. The girl screamed bloody murder until I removed her from the water. I will concede that the water was on the chilly side. We enjoyed the late afternoon outdoors. I did catch a few pictures of the fun. It took the boy a while to decide he wanted to sit in the pool, but he greatly enjoyed splashing around and throwing the toys. The girl was much happier on the trike. Check out the ribs on the boy - I think we can count all of them!

Even after this busy day, the boy is fighting sleep...he's like the energizer bunny these days!

Week in review

We continue to appreciate your prayers. Our life's road hit some construction and we are slowly maneuvering through the mess to see what is on the other side. It's not even been a week, but these days have been some of the longest of our lives. We are settling in for a slow ride for a while, and realize that daily life continues on around us. I have several things I wanted to share before life changed, and I will try to catch you up on the last week or so - beware this post is long.

This is how I found the boy one night last week at the end of dinner. The kids eat before Clay gets home most days, and I had stepped away to do something with the girl who had been done for a while. It was awful quiet as I came back into the kitchen and this is why. Our poor boy isn't ready to sleep during rest time, but falling asleep at the table is becoming something regular (3 times this week). Last night I wiped his hands and mouth so I could take him to his room, but he woke right up and started running around playing. This little man is keeping me on my toes!

We love off Fridays. Clay gets every other Friday off (thank you, 9/80 work schedule) so we try to take advantage of kids being in school and such. Last Friday we headed to my parents' neighborhood pool with friends. It was the first for this summer and we didn't know how the kids would do this year. The water was a little chilly and the wind didn't help, but the boy was in heaven as always when water is around. His favorite part? Being thrown back and forth between Clay and Zack. The girl was not impressed AT ALL. She cried most of the time and simply snuggled with whomever was holding her. I didn't take too many pictures - it's harder now that we have 2 mobile ones.

Here is where I must stop and confess - the girl face planted once again; and if I had been paying better attention, it could have been prevented. There are no pictures this time, but her chipped tooth is evidence enough. She didn't realize there was a step and she fell onto aggregate. The blood was never-ending and her lip swelled quickly. My heart dropped when I realized she chipped her front tooth. We have been blessed that the swelling went down quickly, her teeth haven't turned black, and the chip isn't extremely noticeable unless you know. I promised Clay I would share so he didn't feel so bad about the other face injury!

Sunday we celebrated Dylan's 3rd birthday. That seems almost surreal. It is so fun having cousins close in age and close by. He had a great Diego party in his back yard. The pool was the biggest hit of all. The girl wanted nothing to do with it, but the boy had a blast. He barely moved from the edge, but can you blame him with all the bigger kids splashing around? He didn't even finish his cake so he could go back in. He scared me to death by going under a couple of times, but some quick moves brought him back to the surface. He only cried for a minute each time before wanting to get back in. He didn't care that the water chilled as time wore on - he still pitched a fit when it was time to get out even though his lips were blue and he was shivering!












Talk about temptation!

The boy fell asleep in the middle of the living room floor the other day long after rest time was over (don't you see the pattern?). You can simply see the girl flirting with the temptation to pester him. It won't be the last time she brings him to tears (the tears are not shown, but they lasted about an hour after he woke up)!











Other funny stories from our week - Monday I had to take our van (oh, yeah, we're now minivan owners...it's a love/hate thing, but that's another post) for one last thing they said they would fix. I dropped the boy off at his friend's house and the girl and I ventured north of town. It was sub-zero in the waiting area so we hung outside on a bench. We made casual conversation with those around us, but the girl took to one lady. After returning from a diaper change, she walked to the lady with her arms up and cuddled with her for quite a bit. Cracked me up. I just hope her willingness to love on anyone calms a bit before she hits puberty!

Tuesday our playgroup went to a splash park. I figured the girl wouldn't have much fun since she's not enjoyed anything with water yet this summer, but the boy caught me off guard. He enjoyed the one we visited last summer in TN, but he wanted nothing to do with this one. I forced him to run through once and he was totally unimpressed. They just hung out with us mamas until the boy saw the playground near by. I got to spend some QT with my kids on the playground while everyone else enjoyed the shade and water. Ah, playgroup is fun when your kids want nothing to do with the planned activity!

Clarification

Friends, thank you so much for your outpouring of love and concern. I've been amazed at the emails, phone calls, and even calls to my folks to check on us. I apologize for any worry or fear you experienced as a result of my vague post. I chose not to share details because they aren't mine to share.

At this time, I will ease your mind and let you know our family of four is intact and healthy. Foundations have been shaken and we began a new journey this weekend. We covet your prayers, and will share more when the time is right.

Rain has come - most unexpectedly as it usually does.

We are stunned. We are hurting. We are angry. We have a fierce enemy that loves to destroy. We've seen it all around us, but never dreamed it would touch us in this way.

We are thankful for family and friends that surround us with prayers, love, and support. We are thankful for a God who is not surprised and knows exactly what we need from Him at each moment. Right now, we need Him to be big. He always is.

We need comfort. We need peace. We long for conviction, truth, repentance, forgiveness and healing.

We need God to be our everything. God in our living, breathing, waking, and sleeping. God in our resting, working, thinking, and speaking. God in our hoping, dreaming, watching, waiting. God in our laughing, weeping, hurting, and healing.

Be our everything, please dear God, for Your glory.

Nostalgic day

It's a lump-in-your-throat kind of day for me. It's the silly small things that grip my heart and make me nostalgic. Today is the boy's last day of school. It's not like he doesn't have many more years ahead of him and it's just preschool, but still. I have been a bit sad this week and even teared up as I dropped him off today. Nutcase - I know! Preschool has just been so good for our boy. He has grown so much. He cried for the first month I think, and now he asks to go almost every day. He is more social. He has learned things. He is a little boy now, not the baby I dropped off 9 months ago. His teachers have been amazing - I will greatly miss them. I know there will be other great teachers in his life, but these are the first regular outside (meaning we don't know them) influences he's had. I couldn't have asked for two better women. Here is a picture I took this morning...one year down, countless more to go! Heaven help me on his last day of high school!

One benefit to a small child - wearing clothes over and over. The girl wore this outfit for the first time last July and it still fits (note that it says it's 3-6 months)!


Don't you love her pose this morning? She was workin' it - pouty face and all!




The girl is fascinated by our singing rocking horse. She figured out how to make it sing herself today and she was quite enthralled. She makes the funniest face when she says please - and I caught it today. I was most amazed that she stayed in this squatting position for so long - my thighs would have been burning!











We brought home Clay's cars from childhood this weekend. Both kids love playing with cars, and the boy is all excited about his new cars. Clay has a blast reliving his childhood as they all play together. Nothing warms a mama's heart more than to see the three people she loves the most enjoying being together.