Running away with the animals

Knowing the boy had been talking about the zoo at school and having had three straight days without naps, last Friday I thought it was time for us to run away with the animals. It was a lot of fun to venture out by ourselves and fun to watch/hear the boy's excitement on the way to the zoo. It is great fun to see their amazement and wonder at the animals. Thanks to a friend's tip, we headed to the back part of the zoo first so we were without insane crowds most of the day. We first saw the penguins (a new exhibit this month) which were a big hit with both kids. They were right up next to the window which was pretty cool. They also enjoyed the fish (where this picture was taken). The boy kept trying to count them...too funny.

Then we headed to Texas Wild - home of the jaguar. The boy got so excited - "Baby Jaguar! Baby Jaguar!" he exclaimed over and over. I love this close up of the girl completely captivated by some birds in a walk-thru aviary.


We got to watch a horse get his shoes cleaned too. See how the girl is standing up? This was her common pose any time the stroller stopped. She wanted out to get a better look - so one time I snuck a picture of us together.


The boy thought every fence was made for climbing - oh how he loves to climb these days.

We had a good time - the white tiger was right up next to the window walking back and forth; two gorillas/apes were asleep right up next to a window; the swans talked just when we walked up; we enjoyed our picnic lunch; I got a great workout pushing the double stroller; and the rain stayed away. The whole day was a big hit - and they both crashed on the way home. Now that we are zoo members, I figure we'll be back a lot. I promise not to post every time we go - well, unless there is a shot or two we must share!

The Dismantling

I only got two pictures of the dismantling of our laptop last week. Clay said I was making him nervous with all the staring and camera flashes. While unsuccessful in fixing the problem, he said he had a lot of fun - and there were no parts left over!!! Ah, the joys of being married to an engineer.

A new day

Mercy, I've started this post about 17 times in my head or maybe it's just been 17 different posts! I am the consummate editor, and I think I am hardest on myself. I've even revisited my last post wondering if I should edit it for fear people think I'm on the brink of losing it, that my marriage is in trouble, that I'm about to ship my kids off to boarding school, or worse. None of those are true - well, at least I don't think I'm on the brink of losing it! So if this seems pretty disjointed, I apologize. It's just a sneak peek into what my brain and heart are really like - God bless my husband for trying to sort it all out and for simply hanging on when he can't. God knew I would need a patient, non-combative partner...and that is exactly what He gave me.

How thankful I am for a new day. A chance to start over. A chance to give the day to God and allow Him to live through me instead of trying it all on my own.

Do you know what I am listening to right now? NOTHING!!! Both of my children are asleep and have been that way for 2 hours. Thank you, God. Now it did take a trip to the mall to play and eat Chick-Fil-A (that was an adventure for another day) followed by about a 30 minute drive home. Yes, there are closer malls, but I picked this one just for that reason. A longer drive home gives more time for them to fall asleep. I needed them to nap today. They needed to nap today. The boy had another rough night so I was willing to do whatever it took so he could get the sleep he desperately needs. It paid off.

I know some of you are wondering why I'm not sleeping; but strangely, today I am not all that tired. And part of me hates to miss this time all to myself. I've enjoyed the quiet and God has spoken right to my soul through His Word and others. It never ceases to amaze me how He gives me just what I need when I take the time to sit at His feet. It shouldn't amaze me that He gives me good things, but for some reason it always does.

Now I'm drawing a blank as to all the other fabulously insightful things I was going to share so I guess I'll just leave you with two links that touched my heart today:

http://www.crosswalk.com/devotionals/encouragement/11574516/
http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/2008/04/tilted.html

This moment

It has been a week. In so many ways that seems to sum it all up. Nothing major, but lots of small things that add up to a very long seven days.

After the boy slept at Grannylou's house without his paci, I thought giving it up may not be the challenge my brain conjured up. Night #2 (last Tuesday) was the worst, but the nights aren't the real problem. He's totally given up his nap! In the last 8 days he's only napped once - when he fell asleep on the way home from the zoo. Not only doesn't he nap, but he chooses to jump on his bed or play in the blinds. Two big no-no's in this house. I'm fine if he doesn't sleep if only he would play quietly in his room for a bit. A mama needs a break. And to top it off, most of these last 8 mornings he's woken up 1 -1.5 hours earlier than normal!!! Aaauuuggghhh! (For those without children, let me take a moment to explain that a 2-year-old without sleep only makes them that much more 2-years-old. The boy has been more aggressive and defiant in the last week than I recall up to this point.) The girl seems to feed off the boy's irritability (maybe because she isn't getting enough sleep either thanks to the screaming) and she's cutting molars. I am way behind on housework thanks to our new schedule, and I knew we had company coming this weekend so why clean last week, right? Of course that meant the to-do list has been long for the last 2 days which doesn't work well with two needy toddlers.

I won't even go into all the drama surrounding our modem that officially died last Tuesday and then we figured out our Ethernet port followed suit. Let's just say after 4 trips to Best Buy (with many purchases and returns) and numerous calls to AT&T, Linksys, Dell, and Best Buy, we finally are up and running again. (Thus the reason for no posts in the last week.) We are just thankful that the problem was resolved without purchasing a new computer.

Being disconnected from the outside world often gives me a distorted view of reality and lots of time to chew on my thoughts alone. That is dangerous for an external processor like myself. And it's almost birthday time so reflection naturally kicks into high gear for me. Life sure isn't as easy as I thought it would be at this stage in the game. Marriage takes work - even with the one you love and still want by your side. Parenting is hard - patience eludes with little sleep, consistency wavers, and it's pretty thankless. And making time for God happens a lot less than I need or want. There are moments I find myself recalling those dreams from childhood about what life would be like. Times I wonder if I made the right choices or if I am doing what God wants me to be doing right now.

I heard a song on my new Steven Curtis Chapman CD (one bonus to visiting Best Buy so often this week) that really spoke to where I am. Along the lines of what God spoke to me on our women's retreat just 10 days ago - Be in this moment. Don't miss what I've put right in front of you. Be here - be completely here because you can't change the past and the future will be history before I know it.

****************************************************
Miracle of the Moment
by Steven Curtis Chapman and Matt Bronleewe

It's time for letting go
All of our if only's
'Cause we don't have a time machine
And even if we did
Would we really want to use it?
Would we really want to go change everything?
'Cause we are who and where and what we are for now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
Listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss
The miracle of the moment

There's only One who knows
What's really out there waiting
In all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know
Is He's out there waiting
To Him the future's history
And He has given a treasure called right now
And this is the only moment that we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
Listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss
The miracle of the moment

And if it brings you tears
Then taste them as they fall
Let them soften your heart
And if it brings you laughter
The throw your head back
And let it go, let it go
You gotta let it go
Listen to your heartbeat

So breathe it in and breathe it out
Listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss
The miracle of the moment

**************************************************

How I want to breathe in each moment - the good and the bad. The laughter and the crying. This is my life. I want to fully experience it and embrace it. I want to see the miracle in each moment He has given because all the days ordained for me were written in His book before one of them came to be (Psalm 139). And I don't want to miss it.


(To listen to the song, click here. Then click the player to the next song. The song Cinderella will automatically start playing - it's a great song too about how our little girl will be grown before we know it. And on that note, have you heard Trace Adkins song called You're Gonna Miss This? )

A spring storm

We had a typical Texas spring storm last week. High winds, rain, hail, tornadoes...we experience them often in the spring. We've already had to have James, our roofer, come out to replace shingles and the metal piece that sits on top of our chimney once this season. James knows us well - we're the only house he's come to three times in one month (that was last spring). God bless him for securing the loose shingles he happened to find last week along with patching 3 holes! I digress...Thursday night was the most impressive storm we've seen to date at this house. It truly looked like it had snowed. You can see the force with which it hit in this picture...

The rain/hail was coming so hard and fast that the rock part of our flower bed was overrun. At one point Clay had to brave the rain to dig another trench so the water wouldn't reach our front door. Here's a handful of hail. It was only large pea size here, but there were reports of tennis ball sized hail to our west and north. Sadly, my beautiful azaleas didn't fair well. The blooms were plentiful and large before getting hammered. Now the few that are left look quite sad. I'm glad I got to enjoy them for a week or so...and maybe with some TLC they'll bloom again.












The boy was so excited by all of this activity. He kept saying, "It's raining! It's raining! I want to go outside!" while running back and forth between our front and back doors. Here he is watching Clay dig a new path for the water. He had great fun playing with some of the hail - and I think he even got a piece or two in his mouth. The girl missed the fun - sleeping through it all - and the dog was less than impressed. She stayed on my heels until it passed. Gotta love a Texas spring!

Unmotivated day

It's one of those days - when there are a million things I need to be doing, but I am totally unmotivated to do any of them and in a strange mood to boot. Fortunately I've had lots of good excuses come my way to help me procrastinate.

It all started when I rolled over and looked at the clock...it read 8:00 a.m. 8:00 a.m.?!?!?!?! It's a school day (school starts at 9:00) and on this particular school day I was meeting a friend early so she could make it to her dentist appointment. MERCY! I skipped the shower (something I really don't like to do, but seem to be doing more often these days), made myself somewhat presentable and started the morning routine with the kids. We made it out the door and met Abby and her girls in time - amazing and I'm still not sure how that was accomplished. I brought the girl and Abby's youngest home with me and we played. It was fun to watch the girl with a friend. I realized it had been a while since she had been here with another kid without the boy -those moments are rare. The two girls are only 7 months apart so they had a lot of fun. Of course I got nothing accomplished while they were here - who would with a 21-month-old and 14-month-old running around? Then I had the joy of visiting with Abby until it was time to pick up the kids from school. SCORE - more reasons not to get anything done. Gotta love a friend who comes through for you like that. And she brought me a coke...she's the best!

Now the kids are down, toys are everywhere, and their lunch is still on the table - well I did put the milk away. It's not been a total waste of a day - my lunch is cooking (yes, it's almost 2:00 p.m.), chicken is thawing for dinner tonight, and a load of laundry is in the washer. My plan was to exercise before lunch, eat and clean up (the house and me), but then I got a call asking for help. In about 1 1/2 hours, I'll have another little boy for about 1 1/2 hours. Rats - not enough time to get it all done and shower before he arrives. So, I'll just eat lunch, blog a bit, and shower.

Totally unmotivated I am (in the spirit of Yoda). And honestly, I don't feel too bad about it - which is obvious as I type this totally pointless post! Man am I glad we don't have a nanny-cam on days like this. If I hadn't let you into our world today you all could go on thinking I'm super-mom! (yeah, right!)

Spring Open House

Last night the boy's preschool hosted an Open House for family and friends. That afternoon the boy was all excited about going to school and having Pop and Grannylou there as well. The evening started with a short music program followed by the opportunity to visit the classrooms and have refreshments. (You'll most likely want to double click on some of the pictures to see them well, due to distance they are dark.)

We knew the night wasn't going to go well almost upon entering the sanctuary. The children were to sit with their teachers, and the boy was having none of that. We were sitting nearby so Miss Joanne and Miss Linda let him come sit with us. We kept trying to get him to sit with his friends, but he would only stay as long as I was right beside him. I did get one picture of him with two girls that we also go to church with. Don't they look beautiful? The girl was all about the activity. She paid close attention when the kids started singing.

Can't you tell how excited Clay and Pop are as they wait for the program to begin? What good men they are. When the program began, the boy enjoyed singing along with the older children. Then it came time for him to go on stage. The tears began...and the teachers suggested I sit on the floor near him. Can you see him clinging to me in tears? He didn't want me to go anywhere! (On the video, you can hear him across the sanctuary!)

I was finally able to pry him off and get him to stand near the other children. He cried through most of the song despite my attempts to get him to do the motions I'd seen him do at home. He finally made the horn go beep, beep, beep through his sobs. The only time he smiled was when a little girl ran by. He said he wanted to go race too. After the first song, we stood off to the side to be less of a distraction. He was perfectly content to watch the other kids perform.

He eventually joined in singing and doing the motions. He just isn't one for performing for a crowd (sounds like another male in our home). He was very encouraging, though, cheering and clapping wildly for his friends when they were done.


The whole event provided some laughs, but we'll be surprised if he grows up to be a public speaker or musician.

The rest of the night proved a bit unsettling for him as well. He didn't know what to think about all of us in his class. He pretty much stayed in Clay's arms until he got a cookie and then went to play outside. This morning we were back to the routine he knows there, and all was well. He sure does love that place and his teachers. Every night he thanks God for school and let's Him know that "school is fun!"

(I apologize for typos, blogger won't let me spell check!)

Cousin time

Aunt Kristi, Uncle Eric, Kadyn and Dylan moved into their new home this weekend. While the furniture was being moved, Grannylou, Kadyn and Dylan came over to play. The girl was enthralled with Kadyn watching her every move. It was fun to watch the boys actually play together. We all headed to the new house with lunch and the kids enjoyed the new BIG back yard and new places to explore.

Here's the girl Sunday before church. This outfit warranted pictures. She knew she was cute - that seems to be a theme with her...

(Thanks for the outfit, Mimi.)

Bring the rain?

I am almost speechless and yet I feel compelled to share...God is breaking my heart and I am so humbled. I've spent time today reading about a woman and her baby that I don't know (http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com), and I am moved to tears. Last night I watched part of the Primetime special on The Last Lecture, the story of Randy Pausch. Would I walk these roads with such grace and trust? Would I hold my head up high or bury my head in the sand? I fear the latter is where I would be inclined to go.

I think back over my life - such a charmed life - and realize that up to this point, I've not been asked to walk an incredible harrowing road. Sure, life hasn't been perfect, but can I really complain? NO! No, my folks weren't perfect. They fought. I didn't always have everything I wanted, but I never lacked anything. My sister and I hated each other for years. I was hurt by friends. I felt rejection. My heart was broken - and I know I broke some along the way. I battled self-acceptance (still do) and a need for the approval of others. But I know that there are many who would give anything to live the life I have. I don't say that in a pious way, but with humility. How often I take it all for granted. My parents are still together. My sister and I are now friends. I was able to go to the college of my choice where I met an amazing man. This man has refused to leave my side even when I've been completely unlovable. This man encouraged me to take the job I wanted even though it meant less money and longer to pay off debt. We bought our first house on our third anniversary. We are members of an amazing church that challenges my lack of evangelistic focus. We have friends to walk through life with - friends who drop things at a moment's notice to be there if we need it. Friends we want to drop life for when they hurt. I know this is rare. My folks live down the road. We have two healthy children. I get to stay home with my children, and the material sacrifices for me to do that aren't noticed. Charmed, I tell you. Charmed.

So as I walk along dark roads with friends and read about the struggles others have, I wonder why not me. And then I wonder if I would be able to walk those roads with the same grace and trust that I see them have. In many ways, I fear our short road of infertility was my big test, and I know I failed. I failed miserably. My moments of trust and complete abandon of my desires to His were few and far between. I was a roller coaster of emotion and angry more times than I wasn't. I tried to put on a brave face, but deep in my heart I wasn't okay with where God was taking us. Little did I know the blessings He had in store - blessings at the right time. He constantly has to raise my head hung in shame for the way I treated Him.

Some days I want a do-over. I want to be able to try again to show God how much I've learned to trust Him in the last few years. At least I think I trust Him more. I want to bring Him glory instead of focusing on my own hurt and pain. But can I honestly ask God to bring rain into my life to deepen my relationship with Him? Am I willing to accept whatever road He has for me if it means more intimacy with Him? What if the road He needs to take my husband or children on requires hardship? How I want to want all that He wants. How I want to be completely His; but when I am honest with myself, my desires often hold contingencies: As long as you don't take ____. As long as my kids are healthy and safe. As long as it has a happy ending. As long as I can still be comfortable.

I want more intimacy. I want more daily dependence upon Him. I want to fall in love all over again. I want my husband to fall in love with God all over again. I want my kids to fall madly in love with God early in life. I want...but am I willing to walk whatever road it takes for us to get there? Honestly, I'm not sure I'm willing to walk whatever road. And that saddens me. I'm praying my heart will soon be able to pray with all honesty and sincerity the words from a song by MercyMe:

Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days when this life brings me pain
but if that's what it takes to praise You.
Jesus, bring the rain.

A weekend with Audrey, Billy, Bessie and Jodi

This radiant lady is my grandmother, Audrey. We lovingly call her Mom (and now that she's a great-grandmother sometimes The Grand Mom). I just spent an amazing 3 days with her thanks to several family members - namely my hubby! To read the back story of how this came to be, click here.

What an amazing weekend to learn more about my grandmother and her faith, my late grandfather, my father, and other family. She is a kindred spirit, and I am so thankful for these memories. Rarely do I have her all to myself - and for 3 whole days! We laughed, we cried, we sat in awe of God, we worshipped, and we prayed together. We were scarcely quiet - even when reading late at night my grandmother laughs out loud when she gets tickled. My heart overflows with gratitude for those who helped us get away for this rare treat. I didn't think I could love this lady any more, but I was wrong.

Friday morning, I flew to Birmingham where I met my grandmother at the airport. Mom and I hit the road to Charlotte trying to beat the bad weather that was headed our way. Eight hours (filled with stories, laughter, heavy rain and much traffic) later we arrived at our beautiful hotel and crashed.

The next morning we headed to the Billy Graham Library for the day. Literally, I mean the day. They say to give yourself 1 1/2 - 2 hours for the tour - we were there a total of 6 hours (yes, S-I-X!!!!). We enjoyed ourselves so much that we didn't even notice how late it was. Not only are the grounds beautiful (even with a light rain), but they have thought of every detail. The library/museum is constructed like a barn - even down to the sinks in the bathroom! The cafe is called the Graham Brothers Dairy Bar and the hot dogs are named Billy Franks. (The family dairy farm was known as Graham Brothers Dairy and Billy was called Billy Frank by his folks since he is a junior.) They even have a robotic cow, Bessie, that starts off the tour with a song. She was quite impressive! Check out Mom eating her Billy Frank...

This is the house Billy grew up in just a few miles from its current location. It has been moved brick by brick and restored. We had the joy of talking with Rose Adams, Mrs. Graham's nurse in her last years (Billy's mother). What a treat to hear directly from the women who was so close to her in those days.



The focus of the tour is Christ. You enter the library through the foot of the cross. Every video, memorabilia, quote, and Scripture speaks of the message of the Gospel. Inspiring!

Two things really struck me while I was there:
1. The chain of faith as they called it. The chain starts with a Sunday school teacher who led D.L. Moody to the Lord. D.L. led someone else who did something else and on and on until it mentions Rev. Ham, the evangelist that led the revival when Billy Graham accepted Christ. We never know how our actions affect the Kingdom.
2. The faith and commitment of Morrow Coffey Graham (Billy's mother) and Ruth Bell Graham. These women served their families tirelessly and sought God above all else. What an influence they had on Billy and what crucial roles they played so Billy could do what God called him to do. What a challenge to me as a young wife and mother.

Ruth Bell Graham is buried on the grounds - at the foot of the cross. The sidewalks down to the grave site form a cross. What a beautiful picture. Her marker, a simple field stone from NC, reads, "End of construction. Thank you for your patience." She saw the sign as they were driving down the highway one day and said that it was what she wanted on her tombstone. The family agreed. I think it is quite poignant.


God blessed us in a myriad of ways Saturday. One of the best was getting to meet the director of the library, Wayne. Mom's pastor knows Wayne and told her to ask for him. Being a Saturday he wasn't there, but she left him a note. As we were about to leave the library, a guide caught us and told us Wayne had stopped by. He took a large amount of time from his day to share with us some details we didn't know about the library, the current happenings of the ministry, and Billy's health. He gave us a couple of commemorative magazines and gave my grandmother a wonderful book that chronicles Billy's life and ministry in pictures. We felt God smiling on us all day.

God blessed me personally with a real treat - tulips everywhere! I love tulips and the business complex near our hotel used them as the backdrop of their landscaping. The red, white, and unique orangey-pink flowers warmed my heart each time we passed.

The drive back to Birmingham Sunday was much less eventful, but full of worship as we enjoyed the CD Mom bought at the gift shop. Those old hymns brought back a flood of memories.

To cap off the weekend, my best friend met me at the Birmingham airport to visit while I waited to take off. She kindly brought a Sonic coke and Cadbury Creme Eggs - gotta love her! It was another wonderful refreshment for my soul to spend time with her. Always a treat - even if it was only an hour.

It was a weekend that I am still processing - a weekend of rejuvenation and refreshment. A weekend where God spoke.

And Clay and the kids did great just like I knew they would.

Make It Rain - The Sequel

In the spirit of Pebbles

Our daughter sported her first ponytail today.

I had to capture it - and got some of her famous faces as well!





And yes - she knows she's cute.