Needing to listen

I'm in a weird place right now. It's been a hard year, but the last few days God has gone ridiculously overboard reminding us how much He loves us, that He knows the cries of our hearts, and He hasn't forgotten us or the difficulty of the road we've been walking. It's a humbling place to be...to see His hand so evidently from the littlest things to the big things. I'm almost speechless if I weren't shouting His praises from the rooftop.

"Who am I that You are mindful of me? That You hear me when I call? Is it true that You are thinking of me? How You love me, it's amazing." (from Friend of God by Israel)

Anyway, here I am in utter amazement that He has opened the floodgates and sent us a downpour these last few days. He knew we needed it...and He spoke individually to me and Clay so we each got a personal taste. Isn't He good? No, He is indescribable. But I find myself still in the thick of a battle - a mental one. It's not a new battle, but it has been dormant a while. I'm not really surprised something reared it's head again, but it's exhausting all at the same time.

To top all that off, the path I felt God leading me down isn't taking the route I thought it would. I'm finding myself questioning if I mistook my own voice for His. Ever been there? A door opened. All things pointed in that direction, and peace flowed. But a few steps in, or maybe more, you find yourself a bit lost. The direction isn't as clear. His voice is now hard to hear. Did I do the right thing? Am I kidding myself? Should I turn back or keep walking? Surely I should know by now that my mental picture of how things will turn out isn't how God usually works; and I should surely know by now that His way is so much better. But even after all the times He's sent me to "life school" to learn these lessons, I find myself impatient and questioning when it's harder than I thought. I will say I'm not as quick to tuck tail and run, but I sure do start talkin'. Guess I should shut my mouth to ensure I don't drown out His.

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'" (Isaiah 30:21)

Double 3's

I hit double 3s today...yep, 33. Solidly in my thirties, yet I feel about 17/18. C'mon, don't tell me you don't ever feel like you are just playing house?!?! It's not been some magical day, but it hasn't been bad either. Kids woke up early and still needed tending to. Got to have lunch with my mom thanks to our children's minister, and had a nice visit with my dad. Tonight was spent in the company of fellow preschool/children's teachers from church as we appreciated them for all they do throughout the year. Home again for the nighttime routine, and now we're slowly closing down the day.

Nothing to write home about, but it is a day in my life. A life I'm thankful to be living. A life that is hard. A life full of daily challenges and joys. A life full of laughter and heartache. A life overflowing, yet battling fears. God has been more than faithful for my 33 years, and I have been so not faithful. How humbled I am by His grace and mercy...and that He loves me so much that He puts me through the blazing fire to mold me into who He wants me to be. He so wants me a part of His plan that He is drawing me out of my comfort zone into something deeper, something more beautiful with Him. Wow. I'm anxious to see what this year holds and the sights I will along the journey, but selfishly I long for this year's road to reach a peak where I can sit and rest awhile.


Here are 4 reasons life is so blessed and so challenging... thanks to Claire for the hundreds of pictures from Easter weekend. (Check out her fan page on Facebook - Oh Susanna Photography) We are quite fortunate to have this amazing photographer in our family!