Bring on 32

Thirty-two. Sounds so adult, doesn't it? I sure don't feel like an adult. Don't look much like one either I am told. Don't worry; I'm not sinking into a birthday depression. Actually I'm very ready for this year to be over. Thirty-one hasn't been such a stellar year. It was just weeks after turning 31 that we first heard big scary words used as possible explanations for the boy's quirks. Then we had drama with Clay's family - drama that hit hard and rocked our world in unexpected ways. The summer was full of figuring out how to walk new roads while trying to figure out what was really going on with our son. Things seemed to be settling down a bit after our much-needed vacation, the boy's all-important Child Study Center appointment saying he didn't fall on the autism spectrum, and as I got further into counseling. Then, BAM! My folks separated and divorced in a matter of months. All to be topped off with another personal trial and Clay finding himself unemployed April 1st. (Nice non-April Fool's joke, right?) Don't you wish you'd had my life over the past year? Yeah, me neither most days.

So bring on 32. Surely it has to be better, right? We said the same thing as we rang in 2009, but quickly learned that 2009 held it's own tough, unique challenges. I began to realize not long into 2009 that all this "fun" seemed to ramp up in May 2008 so I began looking forward to starting fresh on my birthday. We still find ourselves dealing with the ripple effects of all the drama of the past year and are still waiting to see where God takes us from this point; but tomorrow is a chance for a fresh start.

At least, that's how I'm viewing it.

As I think back to May 1, 2008, I hardly recognize the woman I was. I have grown immensely this year. Carrying baby #3 helps that a bit; but seriously, I do not approach life the way I did last spring. It's hard to capture in words the changes I feel and the changes others have noticed, but I guess I really am more of an adult than I was last year. Life's drama (mine or others') does not rock me as it once did. While I still ache over my often-weak faith, I know I am stronger and more dependent upon God than I have ever been in my life. I am more open, honest, and transparent with Him, my husband, my family and friends than I have ever been before. I have established healthy boundaries in many areas of my life that free me to live as God desires me to live.

And yet so much room for growth remains.

I long to spend less time in the valley this next year, but I am thankful for where He has brought me through this year's hardships. Even if that's where my path continues, I will be thankful that He will be with me each step of the way and that I will be all the better for it on the other side.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-3

"These (trials) have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." 1 Peter 1:7

So come on 32... I'm ready for you.

Hangin' round the house

Saturday night we had a great night at home. The boys grilled some steaks (I got a GREAT deal), venison tenderloin, and deer burgers. We've eaten well this week! Clay took the time to teach the boy the fine art of grilling, and the boy was in hog heaven! The girl relaxed in her swing enjoying the show. I took a moment to capture a picture with the boy - and it's evidence that I do have a growing belly. He was too interested in the grill to look at the camera, but I'll take what I can get.
Sunday afternoon the girl apparently thought the living room needed some tidying...so she got her vacuum out and got to work. I had to capture her moving the table and chairs and getting all the crevices along the wall (as I had done the day before). It was a little scary to see myself in action. She even put everything back in its place when she was done - that's my girl! She doesn't let her small stature stop her from what she's determined to do. I can just hear her saying, "Clean Mommy" when I asked her what she was doing (the picture of her face).

Spring Sing

The boy's preschool had their annual Spring Sing tonight. We had the joy of having most everyone join us for this fun event - Pop, Grannylou, Aunt Kristi, Kadyn and Dylan all took time to see why the boy loves his school so much. Spring Sing starts with a short program (about 30 minutes) where each age group sings followed by open house in the classrooms, refreshments, and the ability to play on the playground. Last year, the boy was frightened of being on stage - when he did stay on the stage (with me VERY nearby), he cried. This year we had a whole different story. He was so excited while the 4-year-olds were singing that he was practicing his song and kept telling his teacher he needed to sing. He wasn't even phased when he saw us from the stage. He sang loud and put all his energy into the motions. We are so proud! He has really grown up this year. He enjoyed taking everyone to his classroom, showing off his art work and introducing his friends. All the kids enjoyed the playground on the beautifully warm night. What a blessing WCP has been for the boy and for us...what a blessing to share it with family tonight...and now with all of you...

To keep the blog shorter, I posted the pictures small and right next to each other. Simply double click on them to see them larger. Here is a rundown of what you see - The girl and her friend ready to watch their brothers perform * So excited to finally have his turn on stage * "Hi Mom!!" * Excited to Sing * Singing * Clay and the girl watching intently (she was so captivated by it all) * Pop with all 4 grandkids * Grannylou (or Goo per the girl) with grandkids * Pop helped the girl with her cookie and juice - she greatly enjoyed being pampered * Kadyn & Dylan enjoying some of the activities * a family photo



Here are a few videos to enjoy... This is "The Hug Bug"...The words to the chorus are: The hug bug, the hug bug, you never know where's it's hiding. The hug bug, the hug bug, watch out! It's gonna hug you!



The next 2 videos are of the Chicken Dance. I couldn't choose just one to post! He REALLY got into this!!!

Sweet Jesus

We were introduced to a new song Sunday morning. It is simple. It is truth. I'm clinging to the first two lines as we walk this uncertain road. The reminder of what He has done for us and the promise of His return give me strength to hold my head high. It's not on playlist.com yet so I can't add it to my blog, but here are the words.


"Mystery" by Charlie Hall, 2008 (from The Bright Sadness CD)

Sweet Jesus Christ my clarity
Sweet Jesus Christ my sanity

Bread of heaven broken for me
Cup of salvation held up to drink
Jesus the mystery

Christ has died,
Christ is risen,
and Christ will come again.

Easter 2009

While their clothes aren't new (the boy is in hand-me-downs & borrowed clothes; the girl is in a dress she wore a lot last summer that still fits), I still took the traditional Easter morning pictures. I did catch a few good shots - as well as some where they hammed it up.

The kids were thrilled to see Pop this morning at church where we enjoyed worshipping our risen Lord. We headed home for an amazing brunch cooked by Clay and Pop (scrambled eggs, bacon, biscuits, and Pop's famous white gravy - YUM!)...and Clay even most of the clean up! The kids enjoyed playing with Pop - and now it's time for a good old Sunday afternoon nap before joining some friends for Easter dinner.

We pray your Easter has been filled with joy, loved ones, and mostly worship of the gift Christ gave.

Easter Egg Hunts

We've had 2 Easter egg hunts this week - Thursday at the boy's school and today at church. The boy didn't quite get into filling his egg carton at school (their great way to make sure all the kids get the same number of eggs) - his friend, Hannah, filled most of it for him. He did enjoy their party afterward though! I was also able to snatch a picture of him and his best bud at school.











Today was a much greater success. Both kids enjoyed putting eggs in their baskets (provided a couple of years ago by Mimi). They enjoyed a little bit of candy too before we headed home to rest. The girl is currently sleeping with her basket and a few eggs (minus candy), and the boy is really mad that we took the candy away and simply gave him empty eggs. He is ready for rest time to be over so he can have some more!

These last two are of the boy and his best gal pal - and our girl didn't want to be left out...

A little Willie

Clay is making sure the kids learn to love his taste in music as well - particularly Willie Nelson (he doesn't even rank on my enjoyable artists list). Here's a snippet of the girl making her daddy proud...

Listening, believing, and surrendering

God has had me on an intense journey for about a year now. There have been times of crisis, times of victory, times of pain, times of joy, and times of waiting all with the purpose of calling me deeper. I've had pinnacle moments throughout the journey - those moments that seem to mark a revelation or a change or a renewed commitment to follow Him deeper. Today was another one of those moments. God revealed a little more of Himself to me and gave me a glimpse of where our path goes from here - deeper into Him. Two songs rang in my head putting lyrics and music to what my heart was crying out. They are older songs with wonderful messages - fresh messages for where I am today. I've added both to my playlist below so you may enjoy them... "Voice of Truth" sung by Casting Crowns and "Completely" sung by Ana Laura. Will you listen, believe, and surrender with me?
***********************************************************

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves.
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is.
And He's holding out His hand.

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me.
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed.
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again, 'Boy, you'll never win!'
"You'll never win."

But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says do not be afraid
And the Voice of Truth says this is for My glory
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone.
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand.

But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed.
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again, 'Boy, you'll never win!'
"You'll never win."

But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says do not be afraid
And the Voice of Truth says this is for My glory
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth

But the stone was just the right size to put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high from on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus singing over me

But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says do not be afraid
And the Voice of Truth says this is for My glory
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth
I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the Voice of Truth
I will listen and believe
'Cuz Jesus You are the Voice of Truth
And I will listen to You

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The secret of life is letting go
The secret of love is letting it show
In all that I do
In all that I say
Right here in this moment

The power of prayer is in a humble cry
The power of change is in giving my life
And laying it down
Down at Your feet
Right here in this moment

Take my heart
Take my soul
I surrender everything to Your control
And let all that is within me
Lift up to You and say,
"I am Yours and Yours alone completely"

This journey of life is a search for truth
This journey of faith is following You
Every step of the way
Through the joy and the pain
Right here in this moment

Take my heart
Take my soul
I surrender everything to Your control
And let all that is within me
Lift up to You and say,
"I am Yours and Yours alone completely"

Right here, right now
And for the rest of my life
Hear me say:
Take my heart
Take my soul
I surrender everything to Your control
And let all that is within me
Lift up to You and say,
"I am Yours and Yours alone completely"
"I am Yours and Yours alone completely"

Friends

Is this not adorable? The kids love when Ms. Abby gets to watch them while I have things to do. They have been known to ask to go to her house at any random moment. All the boy could talk about today was driving the pink jeep. Abby caught this adorable picture of our two youngest sharing some giggles. It reminds me of me and her mama. I have been immensely blessed with some amazing friendships in this city. I can only pray that my girls will have the joy of experiencing the same thing throughout their life.

No more Tuesdays

This afternoon the boy and I said good-bye to two precious ladies that have been a big part of our life for the last 8 months...Gwen and Taylor. They have been the boy's occupational therapists helping him with various skills (gross motor, fine motor) and his sensory issues. We first met with Gwen until Taylor joined their team. The boy transitioned easily from one to other and LOVED going to see them each Tuesday after school. We owe these ladies a lot - our boy has come so far in these last 8 months.

Gwen

Taylor

I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip - he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you - the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm - he will watch over your life;
The Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forever more.

Psalm 121



Lord, may you answer me when I am in distress; may your name, O God of Jacob, protect me. Send me help from the sanctuary and grant me support from Zion. Remember all my sacrifices and accept my burnt offerings. "Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm. "

Psalm 20:7-8 (verses 1-3 adapted as a personal prayer in italics)

Putting it in action

No less than 24 hours after reaching the mountain peak yesterday, I was handed the opportunity to put my words into action. Will I really trust Him no matter where He takes me from here? Will I really welcome the shadows, dark clouds, or deep forest? Will I lean on Him instead of my own abilities to maneuver the steep, rocky places? Oh how I hope He finds me faithful on the journey.

Our God is big. Our God is faithful. Our God is no less God today than He was yesterday.

I just would have preferred to remain on the mountain peak a little bit longer.