Needing to listen

I'm in a weird place right now. It's been a hard year, but the last few days God has gone ridiculously overboard reminding us how much He loves us, that He knows the cries of our hearts, and He hasn't forgotten us or the difficulty of the road we've been walking. It's a humbling place to be...to see His hand so evidently from the littlest things to the big things. I'm almost speechless if I weren't shouting His praises from the rooftop.

"Who am I that You are mindful of me? That You hear me when I call? Is it true that You are thinking of me? How You love me, it's amazing." (from Friend of God by Israel)

Anyway, here I am in utter amazement that He has opened the floodgates and sent us a downpour these last few days. He knew we needed it...and He spoke individually to me and Clay so we each got a personal taste. Isn't He good? No, He is indescribable. But I find myself still in the thick of a battle - a mental one. It's not a new battle, but it has been dormant a while. I'm not really surprised something reared it's head again, but it's exhausting all at the same time.

To top all that off, the path I felt God leading me down isn't taking the route I thought it would. I'm finding myself questioning if I mistook my own voice for His. Ever been there? A door opened. All things pointed in that direction, and peace flowed. But a few steps in, or maybe more, you find yourself a bit lost. The direction isn't as clear. His voice is now hard to hear. Did I do the right thing? Am I kidding myself? Should I turn back or keep walking? Surely I should know by now that my mental picture of how things will turn out isn't how God usually works; and I should surely know by now that His way is so much better. But even after all the times He's sent me to "life school" to learn these lessons, I find myself impatient and questioning when it's harder than I thought. I will say I'm not as quick to tuck tail and run, but I sure do start talkin'. Guess I should shut my mouth to ensure I don't drown out His.

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, 'This is the way; walk in it.'" (Isaiah 30:21)