Wow - it's been like 3 weeks since my last post. This is getting ridiculous. Between 3 young kids, the "good" computer being gone most days, and plain laziness, the blog has greatly suffered. There just isn't the same time...and honestly, loading pictures here takes a lot more time than on FB. There are times I just want to share a brief story or comment...FB lends itself more to that. Guess I could do a short post, but I always feel so inclined to write more here. Or be eloquent. Or profound. Or funny. Or something other than just sharing normal, boring life. But who am I writing for anyway? I started this blog (almost 4 years ago- INSANE!) mainly for my inlaws and grandmother who live far away. I figured this was easier than emailing them pictures and stories. I also never knew who else wanted to know about our life; so I figured a blog would allow those who wanted to check in with us the freedom to do so at their own choosing instead of being forced to read my emails. I found it a great way to document life and process it as well (wonderful for us external processors). Even had a 2nd blog for a while to entertain my spiritual musings.
But as life has been a bit, um, challenging over the last 2 years, I found myself editing on the blog. Some things I wasn't ready to share. Some things were private family matters. Some things weren't mine to discuss in such a public format, but greatly impacted our family. This gal isn't too keen on sharing how many days I've raised my voice at the kids or wished I could have a couple weeks of vacation...only to have my heart melted by those same kids hours later. I want to brag on my kids, but don't want to be one of "those" parents. And with the tough times of the last couple of years, some of my insecurities have returned and I'm not much for putting myself out there to potentially be criticized (even if I never know it...I might think someone might think it. Crazy, I know. This gal needs some sleep.). And some things I hesitate to put in writing for fear it might come back to haunt me or a loved one might have me committed (one particular thought tonight lends itself to both of those!).
Anyway, I've watched the blog become more picture posting and basic facts. And lately I can't even keep up with that...no Christmas photos, no birthday party photos of Miss E who will be 3 in 2 weeks, no picture updates on the youngest who is almost 6 months (SAY WHAT? Where has it gone?).
What's the point of this rambling? I'm not sure. I can't sleep. I got a 2 hour nap today, and the hubs is out at game night. All 3 kids are asleep, and I find myself a bit lonely I guess. They are growing up too fast, and I'm still amazed at how much I love each one of those little guys at the other end of the house - even though J has become increasingly argumentative lately, E's need for my touch and attention can drive me batty, and McK isn't handling her current cold and possible teething well (thus giving me the chance to relive college with a semi-all nighter the other night and LOTS of screaming for a couple of days). I swell with pride as overnight my son has become a reader - at 4 1/2. I giggle with delight at my oldest daughter's singing and dancing - all of her own creation. I melt at my youngest's full-body smile. They are beautiful. They mostly look like their daddy and act like their mother - heaven help us! - and I fail them miserably each day. But then there are moments I catch a glimpse that they get it...when they tell me Jesus/God loves them more than Mommy or that God wants them to listen and obey or when they pray or when tell me they want to go to heaven to see Jesus - and Miss E tells me she can when Jesus lives in her heart. Maybe I'm not as bad of a mom as I often feel I am. Maybe I'm not wasting as much time as I thought (but there is a lot of wasting being done). Maybe I'm doing something right so that they know I love them even though I've yelled and spanked and lost my cool more times than I can count. Praise the Lord He's able to use this mess to reach their hearts.
I'll stop the madness for tonight. Bottom line (man, that sounds like my dad) - I hope to get back to blogging regularly soon, but let's not hold our breath on that one - we know we'd all pass out! Here's a few pictures to tide you over...
...and now hubs just walked in and is wondering WHAT THE CRAP I'm doing blogging at 1:30 am... his next question, "Are you alright?"
"Yes, honey, just one of those introspective nights."
But as life has been a bit, um, challenging over the last 2 years, I found myself editing on the blog. Some things I wasn't ready to share. Some things were private family matters. Some things weren't mine to discuss in such a public format, but greatly impacted our family. This gal isn't too keen on sharing how many days I've raised my voice at the kids or wished I could have a couple weeks of vacation...only to have my heart melted by those same kids hours later. I want to brag on my kids, but don't want to be one of "those" parents. And with the tough times of the last couple of years, some of my insecurities have returned and I'm not much for putting myself out there to potentially be criticized (even if I never know it...I might think someone might think it. Crazy, I know. This gal needs some sleep.). And some things I hesitate to put in writing for fear it might come back to haunt me or a loved one might have me committed (one particular thought tonight lends itself to both of those!).
Anyway, I've watched the blog become more picture posting and basic facts. And lately I can't even keep up with that...no Christmas photos, no birthday party photos of Miss E who will be 3 in 2 weeks, no picture updates on the youngest who is almost 6 months (SAY WHAT? Where has it gone?).
What's the point of this rambling? I'm not sure. I can't sleep. I got a 2 hour nap today, and the hubs is out at game night. All 3 kids are asleep, and I find myself a bit lonely I guess. They are growing up too fast, and I'm still amazed at how much I love each one of those little guys at the other end of the house - even though J has become increasingly argumentative lately, E's need for my touch and attention can drive me batty, and McK isn't handling her current cold and possible teething well (thus giving me the chance to relive college with a semi-all nighter the other night and LOTS of screaming for a couple of days). I swell with pride as overnight my son has become a reader - at 4 1/2. I giggle with delight at my oldest daughter's singing and dancing - all of her own creation. I melt at my youngest's full-body smile. They are beautiful. They mostly look like their daddy and act like their mother - heaven help us! - and I fail them miserably each day. But then there are moments I catch a glimpse that they get it...when they tell me Jesus/God loves them more than Mommy or that God wants them to listen and obey or when they pray or when tell me they want to go to heaven to see Jesus - and Miss E tells me she can when Jesus lives in her heart. Maybe I'm not as bad of a mom as I often feel I am. Maybe I'm not wasting as much time as I thought (but there is a lot of wasting being done). Maybe I'm doing something right so that they know I love them even though I've yelled and spanked and lost my cool more times than I can count. Praise the Lord He's able to use this mess to reach their hearts.
I'll stop the madness for tonight. Bottom line (man, that sounds like my dad) - I hope to get back to blogging regularly soon, but let's not hold our breath on that one - we know we'd all pass out! Here's a few pictures to tide you over...
...and now hubs just walked in and is wondering WHAT THE CRAP I'm doing blogging at 1:30 am... his next question, "Are you alright?"
"Yes, honey, just one of those introspective nights."
It started with this almost 11 years ago when we said, "I do."
Now we've multiplied to this.
One of my all-time favs of me with my boy.
The girls - who've greatly increased the amount of gray I now cover.
No comments:
Post a Comment