All over the place

I'm finding myself in one of those moods that is hard to describe much less figure out how to best utilize my day. If I allowed my hormones to win, I could feel pretty lonely and disconnected this afternoon. I could also easily crawl into a hole about all that has been going on with life and the remaining uncertainty of so much...all while staring down the barrel of a gun named McKenna, who's arrival is about 11 weeks away at best. There is so much to do around here to get ready for her, and honestly to just reclaim this house. I'm realizing how lazy I have become in the last few years. I claim I'm focusing on my kids, but I waste so much time. It's pathetic. I could wallow in the sorrow for friends who lost their young daughter Thursday after only meeting her 2 weeks prior. I could rejoice with our dear friends who welcomed their 2nd daughter into the world last night. My emotions are all over the place. I am so blessed, but there is so much of life that isn't how I want it to be right now. So I keep plugging through each day trying to remember that there IS eternal significance to what I'm doing (although I had to be reminded today by a dear friend's email). Knowing that falling on my face before God each day is the key to survival, I fight my fleshly selfishness to make that a priority - yet I fail more days than I succeed. And then I look into the eyes of two youngsters curious about their world and realize that there is a lot of life is exactly how I dreamed it would be.