Guilty of my own pet peeve

Have you ever had those times when you are truly annoyed with something only to realize you are guilty of it yourself? I've had those moments myself, and I was reminded of one again: unsolicited advice.

I didn't receive any today, but a conversation I had tonight got me thinking about it. I am all for people sharing their knowledge/experience/expertise with me as long as I am looking to hear it. It annoyed me when I was pregnant (well, it annoyed me before that when I simply heard moms sharing their nuggets of wisdom with unsuspecting pregos), and I promised myself I wouldn't do such a thing. Funny, once I popped that first kid out somehow I began thinking I knew something about motherhood and decided to share with any listening ear. I try to stop myself, but I find myself doing it more often than I am proud to admit. And it's not just about motherhood/parenting, I go on to share marital advice (because 9 years is an eternity of knowledge, you know), advice on friendships, organizing, promoting, communicating, and so much more. I mean, surely my 31 years of imperfect living gives me the right to share my thoughts about your situation, right? Oh, so wrong. I know what has happened in my life. I know a little (and I do mean little) about what some books say. I know what has worked for me and what hasn't worked for me. I know what I think has worked for others or what hasn't. What I don't know is all the factors of your situation. I don't know how you tick or your kids or your spouse or your work environment. I do not know the intricacies of those relationships and I never can. Even if I think I know you well, I still have not walked in your shoes. I do not know all of your thoughts or feelings. I do not know all of your dreams, hurts, joys, disappointments, or secrets. I may have my opinion, but I cannot truly say what I would do in your situation because I am not you. And honestly, you probably don't want my opinion anyway. (If you are one of the ones I've bestowed my "wisdom" upon, I apologize.). I know I don't want most of the unsolicited advice I've received. I find myself angry and defensive that someone thinks they know exactly what I should do or say. Instead of being helped, I end up wasting time talking myself down when it all could have been avoided in the first place if mouths would stay shut.

I am so thankful for my gaggle of gals and a handful of others who have learned the amazing art of offering themselves (and their knowledge, experience, and expertise) humbly instead of forcing it down my throat. They make themselves available to me, but allow me to come to them in my time. They do not take it personally if I seek out someone else (at least they don't tell me they do) and they do not think more highly of themselves than they ought. In fact, they often sell themselves short for what they do have to offer. These ladies are a gift from God.

Now if only I could learn from their example and keep my mouth shut unless someone asks!