This moment

It has been a week. In so many ways that seems to sum it all up. Nothing major, but lots of small things that add up to a very long seven days.

After the boy slept at Grannylou's house without his paci, I thought giving it up may not be the challenge my brain conjured up. Night #2 (last Tuesday) was the worst, but the nights aren't the real problem. He's totally given up his nap! In the last 8 days he's only napped once - when he fell asleep on the way home from the zoo. Not only doesn't he nap, but he chooses to jump on his bed or play in the blinds. Two big no-no's in this house. I'm fine if he doesn't sleep if only he would play quietly in his room for a bit. A mama needs a break. And to top it off, most of these last 8 mornings he's woken up 1 -1.5 hours earlier than normal!!! Aaauuuggghhh! (For those without children, let me take a moment to explain that a 2-year-old without sleep only makes them that much more 2-years-old. The boy has been more aggressive and defiant in the last week than I recall up to this point.) The girl seems to feed off the boy's irritability (maybe because she isn't getting enough sleep either thanks to the screaming) and she's cutting molars. I am way behind on housework thanks to our new schedule, and I knew we had company coming this weekend so why clean last week, right? Of course that meant the to-do list has been long for the last 2 days which doesn't work well with two needy toddlers.

I won't even go into all the drama surrounding our modem that officially died last Tuesday and then we figured out our Ethernet port followed suit. Let's just say after 4 trips to Best Buy (with many purchases and returns) and numerous calls to AT&T, Linksys, Dell, and Best Buy, we finally are up and running again. (Thus the reason for no posts in the last week.) We are just thankful that the problem was resolved without purchasing a new computer.

Being disconnected from the outside world often gives me a distorted view of reality and lots of time to chew on my thoughts alone. That is dangerous for an external processor like myself. And it's almost birthday time so reflection naturally kicks into high gear for me. Life sure isn't as easy as I thought it would be at this stage in the game. Marriage takes work - even with the one you love and still want by your side. Parenting is hard - patience eludes with little sleep, consistency wavers, and it's pretty thankless. And making time for God happens a lot less than I need or want. There are moments I find myself recalling those dreams from childhood about what life would be like. Times I wonder if I made the right choices or if I am doing what God wants me to be doing right now.

I heard a song on my new Steven Curtis Chapman CD (one bonus to visiting Best Buy so often this week) that really spoke to where I am. Along the lines of what God spoke to me on our women's retreat just 10 days ago - Be in this moment. Don't miss what I've put right in front of you. Be here - be completely here because you can't change the past and the future will be history before I know it.

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Miracle of the Moment
by Steven Curtis Chapman and Matt Bronleewe

It's time for letting go
All of our if only's
'Cause we don't have a time machine
And even if we did
Would we really want to use it?
Would we really want to go change everything?
'Cause we are who and where and what we are for now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
Listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss
The miracle of the moment

There's only One who knows
What's really out there waiting
In all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know
Is He's out there waiting
To Him the future's history
And He has given a treasure called right now
And this is the only moment that we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
Listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss
The miracle of the moment

And if it brings you tears
Then taste them as they fall
Let them soften your heart
And if it brings you laughter
The throw your head back
And let it go, let it go
You gotta let it go
Listen to your heartbeat

So breathe it in and breathe it out
Listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss
The miracle of the moment

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How I want to breathe in each moment - the good and the bad. The laughter and the crying. This is my life. I want to fully experience it and embrace it. I want to see the miracle in each moment He has given because all the days ordained for me were written in His book before one of them came to be (Psalm 139). And I don't want to miss it.


(To listen to the song, click here. Then click the player to the next song. The song Cinderella will automatically start playing - it's a great song too about how our little girl will be grown before we know it. And on that note, have you heard Trace Adkins song called You're Gonna Miss This? )