How I wish I was a poignant writer. I love to write, and I love to read the words others have written. I wrote a lot in junior high and high school, but allowed other things to crowd it out. A true external processor, I learn so much about myself as I release my heart and soul onto a page (or computer screen). I long to have the ability to move people with the words I write about the insight or revelations God grants me. I know I often edit myself too much (thanks to several journalism-type classes in college), and Clay says it's because I write like a talk and don't fully explore the English language. (Don't worry, this was not said in a hurtful way, but in the midst of a conversation about this very topic. I love that we can be so honest and still like each other! I digress...) Alas, I don't think writing is what God has called me to do. I am slowly accepting that, but secretly hope one day He will allow me to see my dream come to fruition
This weekend provided many moments of insight, analysis, struggle, joy, and acknowledgment, but words just don't seem to do any of it justice. It has been a bit of a surreal weekend in light of our current situation. I enjoyed dinners out, a movie, some retail therapy, and wonderful fellowship; and we didn't spend a dime out of our pocket thanks to money and gift cards from family and friends!!! We are blessed. So very blessed.
The waterfall of blessings astounded me. My roller coaster of emotions surprised me. My struggles frustrated and saddened me. Recognizing and accepting where God has brought me humbled me. The words shared by others, written and spoken, flattered me. Yet, I can't seem to find a way to truly portray it all on this page with mere text. Everything I write just falls short, seems hollow, or minimizes the impact on my heart and soul.
But there are four things I know how to share:
1. Healing is happening.
2. Even though they can be crazy and sometimes frustrating, I am blessed with my family - both here and far away.
3. My intimate friends are rare diamonds that beautify my life.
4. My God is God - no matter where I am. He loves me. He cares about what is going on, and He is at work regardless how strong or weak I may be at the moment.
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1 comment:
I am so glad this weekend held healing and hopefulness. You and Clay remain in my prayers. I feel so much of what you feel in life right now, and I find a kindred spirit in you. I also know you are married to an amazing man who loves the Lord and you!
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