A birthday letter from Jonathan

I've been meaning to post this, but haven't taken the time until now. This is the letter Jonathan wrote me on my birthday (written as he did - spelling, punctuation and all):

Jonathan's letter to Mom.

Dear Mom,

Happy B-day Mommy. Your 35 years of being alive started this morning. You didn't grow today but you still have love within God. I love you. I hope you have a awesome birthday. I'm in happyness with you. You rock Mama. Well, you make me look like a big fat man. You really wear me out. I wear you out. Mom, you're such a good freind. But I love you more than you're my freind. I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my Mommy you will be. I love you Mom. Have a awesome birthday Mom. 

Your son, Jonathan 

The ache is still there...

This may be my 7th Mother's Day, but the ache of my heart for the years prior is always within reach around this time. I'm not much of one for Hallmark holidays, as I call them, but those years were painful. I still remember cooking in my kitchen wondering if little feet would ever come running in to grab my legs. I recall longing for sleepless nights, stained clothes, and toys all over the floor. I promised I would never complain. I promised I would cherish every moment. I've broken those promises as tiredness, selfishness, and frustration win out at times. That saddens me, but I know I'm human and raising children is exhausting and trying...and yet, it's the best job I could ever have. 

So on Mother's Day eve, my heart is full and yet the ache is still there. I know many women are dreading tomorrow...they long for a child, they miss the child they won't get to hold again, they miss their mother who is no longer on earth, they miss not having the mother they longed for yet never had.  Tomorrow will be excruciatingly painful for many while others bask with their cups overflowing...

I pray God holds them all close...and that they feel it.

Out of the mouth of a babe...

At Muffins with Mom today at E's school, she gave me a cute gift.  A part of it was a list of questions she answered about me.  I just had to laugh...

MY MOM

Mommy's name is Kaci

What does she does while you are at school? Sometimes she goes with McKenna to a jewelry store with her friend

Her favorite color is? I think it is violet red

Her eyes are? Blue

How old is your mom? She's older than my daddy

Does she like to talk on the phone? She works for someone so she sometimes has to answer.

Do you think she will let you live with her when you grow up? I think no

Is she a good driver? Yes (at least I have someone fooled)

How high can she count? I think she can count to 20

Did your mom go to school when she was a little girl? Yes

What does she call you?  Elizabeth 

This just made me laugh and smile...I am blessed to have the hardest and yet best job God could give.

Words impressed on my heart today

For those that have known Kristi & me over the years, you will greatly understand why this is one of the best birthday wishes I've gotten today:

Via text I read, "35 years ago my life changed forever...There have been good times...Not so good times...And really crappy times! But there is no one else I would want to call sister...Happy birthday!! I hope it is a great day! Love you!!!"

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I also received a beautiful card with the prayer of St. Francis on it.  I've read this before, but in light of what God has been speaking to me and life circumstances it struck a chord again:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.